Motherly Musings

So Quinn now knows that he has a sibling on the way. After a couple asking him what he thought was in Mommy’s tummy and hearing his marvelously creative responses, “Dinosaurs” one day and on the next, “alligators”, I felt ready to share the news. When he was told, he was curious and wanted to see inside Mommy’s belly and noted that he couldn’t see him, which we corrected to her. He felt Mom’s belly and I think we timed we so that he might feel her kick. Showing him pictures of the ultrasound turned out to be scary to him rather than interesting, but to be fair, ultrasounds have a certain creep element to them, even to parents☺ He liked the one of her foot though because that was familiar and not terribly shaded. Quinn is all about when things are scary. Going upstairs alone can be scary and the same for heading downstairs solo. He doesn’t like timeouts because they can be scary. I suppose it’s natural that he should be fearful of some things, even as he likes to chase and seek out pretend monsters and mean robots with Luke and I on a regular basis. Last night we read the baby book to him that has all the flaps where he can see the baby inside the Mommy animals’ tummy. He liked it enough to ask for it twice. We worked hard to get bedtime moved up this week and did a much better job with our start times, I think. He still wants to get up and have his waffle after all of the stories are read, but then he’s pretty content to come back to bed where I am already slumbering and put himself to sleep. He’s been keeping himself company with his toy story flashlight, which stays on most of the night☺ This morning we both said good morning to the baby and he kissed my belly for me, when we noted that I couldn’t get me head to my belly. This morning I am taking the three hour gestational diabetes test and we actually got going early enough to make the 8:30 appt. I told Quinn in the car that we needed to first drop Mommy off at the doctor and then Quinn would go on to school. Interestingly, a minute or so later, Quinn reported that he had a tummy ache and needed to go to the doctor himself Sweet, funny boy. Quinn was adorable last night as he pretended to be a storm trooper and wearing a helmet meant pulling up the hood on his grinch sweatshirt. The boy is going to need more hooded sweatshirts to honor this costume bent. Last week he was all about being the officer and making sure that he had all the elements of the officer on the box. He is freaking adorable in the whole get up. Lately, we have also been building houses out of the pillows in the big bedroom. He likes to build walls and have a roof. Last night we had a very ornate sheet hanging from parts of the closet and blinds. We continue to work on the whine that appears now and then when Quinn feels helpless. We try to acknowledge that he doesn’t need to whine and can ask for things in a different tone. We’ll see how out reinforcement of this message pays off in the long run. Lightsaber battles continue to be a part of our world at home and Quinn is now using his lightsabers to open up walls and floors so we have passage to other places. He instructs us to jump once he has the hole made. He’s been all about Clone Wars lately and not interested in the original movies, which is ok, I suppose. Our son can quote moments from Phineus and Ferb pretty perfectly, with excellent tone and timing. He has also taken to quite regularly using his hands in gestures to explain himself. I love it. Only 12 more minutes until the last blood draw. Thank goodness. I oddly don’t feel hungry, but I’m exhausted as my body tries to process all of this pure sugar. I never drink that much sugar and it was quite gross☹ Here’s hoping I pass though. I weighed myself and I think I did well in NOT gaining this week, which is a plus. I focused strongly on my diet this week and taking vitamins. Hopefully in coming weeks I’ll get some light stretching and exercise in. Tonight Luke and I are off to visit Bobbi and the baby in Waconia while Quinn chills with Grandma. Tomorrow I have a playdate with Megan and Dylan and then on Sunday we have the Blast with ECC kids. I need to do my taxes and then agonize over how to save the money and spend it on what needs to be purchased for baby and family before #2 arrives. I’ve found some girl clothes I like at both the Gap and Gymboree which is heartening, but expensive☺ I’ll check out Children’s Place too, since they’re reasonable. I just hate to dress her in things that make her look like something out of a tacky easter basket. Life with a student teacher is fascinating. I am learning new things about myself and also about who I think I am as a teacher. I want to be a better pedagogue and will strive to teach strong for the two weeks of the term when I have the kids full-time. Hopefully I can set the bar high for him☺

For as long as I can remember, I've been a picky shopper. I knew within a few moments of being in a store if I liked something or if I could move on. Today, after the ultrasound for Baby #2, we stopped by the Carter's store in the neighborhood. You'd think that after seeing images of my daughter to be I'd be itching to shop and you'd be right, except that 95% of what I saw made me want to hurl. Most outfits for girls look like a lollipop wrapper or odd scrapbook paper set. Uggh. I found one cute outfit for Christmas- a shirt and pant set- on clearance, but otherwise, I passed on everything there. For some reason, girl clothes seem all (or nearly all) designed for the girls to go out on the town. Why can't there be a happy and pleasant medium?

On a good note, all of baby #2 parts are doing well and there's no sign of the two vessel cord affecting anything. This Friday I have to redo my gestational diabetes test after fasting-- uggh.

When asked what he thinks is in my stomach Quinn has responded with his two answers: dinosaurs and alligators. Lovely. Funny.

Today was pajama day at school. We forgot, but fortunately, Quinn had a sweatsuit there to wear and he contentedly referred to them as his jammies. Sweet kid. He ran to the car from school today with his friend ND. We ran into McCall's Mom at the lot too and got the word that McCall's birthday party will be February 28th. Sweet friends.

If my son grows up to be like some of the slackers in my classroom, I think I might abandon teaching, take up online gaming full-time and... uggh.

I just spent some time perusing the Wiki where my students are composing a script for next term and the findings were sad. Yes, some of the kids have done exceptional work. Some have done average work and some have done none at all. And, I'm pissed. Pissed because I will probably hear all the drama about why some people haven't finished their required work-- and pissed because it's not substantive enough to really excuse the tardiness. Most of all, I find that the student who CARES about this the most, has done the least amount of work.

Please, let Quinn be a genuine, hardworking, above board kind of person-- and student. Let him not cloud his mind with all of the reasons he couldn't get things done and instead, be stricken with clarity about his life and abilities because he gets shit done. For the love...

It's fascinating to me to see myself through my student teacher's eyes. I realize that I have short comings and things to tighten up in my teaching, but I also note that my expectations for students have not fallen in the 11 years I've taught and I'm glad for that. My level of disappointment in kids and their poor choices may have spiked, but generally, I can keep an open mind about kid's potential and all of that. But this--- when they fail to complete a task that people are counting on-- a script for people to perform-- it makes me angry. Very angry.

But, for now, I have to breathe. I have the fancy ultrasound this morning and then I'll head back to school for the reaming. Uggh.

Lego Fun in the Household

I'm sitting in Quinn's bedroom observing the two men I love most on the planet. Quinn is sifting through a box full of Star Wars micromachines, pausing every now and again to make Star Wars-like sounds to accompany his play. Dad is sifting through one of our many lego bins to complete his construction of a green house/gazebo. Both boys have studious expressions on their faces as they study the contents of the toy boxes. Quinn is flexible enough to occasionally prop himself above the box in what would be an awkward position for an adult. Luke isn't phased by the sound of lego pushed against lego in the search for the right piece. We've got Toy Story legos set up in one corner of the room, the misc. Star Wars box of lego figurines in another spot and a scene from the Hoth World wrapping up our communal lego land of diversity. Oh what a trip it will be when this family heads to Lego Land in San Diego. Who knows who will enjoy the trip more-- Quinn or Luke:) Quinn pointed out a new Lego space ship he needs this morning from the Star Wars series. Luke replied that perhaps it would be a while before we bought a new lego set. Quinn remarked simply that that wasn't a "great idea".

I love watching my son eat. He had so many challenges with it as an infant and early toddler and to see him wolf down an apple nowadays, or tuck in for the third bowl of Kix cereal makes me smile broadly. I love watching his independence too when it comes to food. With his hand wrapped around the spoon, digging in for the ice cream or mashed potatoes. He'll eat three platefuls of mashed potatoes and still ask for more. Some meals he'll have 2 1/2 corn dogs. Some nights, it takes 2 waffles before he's fully sated. I love hearing him verbalize what he wants to eat, when he's hungry and when he's full. Lately, he has moments where he has "tummy aches" but the pain always seems to subside in time for dessert. Speaking of which, I know we're out of ice cream. Bummer. I need to go and buy some more grapes because he is on an active grape kick. He does not like Mom's green Granny Smith apples and prefers his red, Red Delicious apples instead. This morning he requested rice, sausage and eggs and wanted to be sure to get the rice in, even though it took longer than the rest of the meal to be ready. We're awfully fond of scrambled eggs lately, which is a nice protein source and we recently came out of a good chicken phase. Of course, he sort of calls all meat that he'll eat chicken, but we're not complaining or mincing words. He continues to be steadfast with his yogurt at lunch and Cascadian Farms granola bars are a must. He knows that Luke's or Daddy's juice is a Frappuchino Mocha. He loves to prepare us food in his little kitchen and he's a pro at putting together a kabob for us on his little grill. We need to get him more food sets because I know he'd love to have the pizza and cookie sets. Still, I need to reign in my spending as best I can. I'd like to pick up a playmobil set for him each month until his birthday and then get him the grand house too. One of the Dad's at Dad's class said that they went smaller with gifts and the kids were just as content. I suppose this should be my philosophy too, but I do like to see him enjoy his toys. The other day during a Target trip I told Luke we could go into the Lego area. Once we were done at the store and the new owners of a Toy Story Lego set I admitted that any time I willingly head into that section of the store, I have quieted any voices in my head that would oppose shopping. Of course, I also had to concede that I have my strange $50 rule. Things under $50 for people I love don't really phase me, but things beyond that make me uneasy about my budget, even if $50 isn't a smart financial move either. In Luke's case, most everything he likes or wants is over the $50 mark so that makes for a challenge to my odd budgeting rules. I don't want to buy junk though either so when it comes to Quinn purchases, $50 is a good number. Post the baby shower, I'm realizing that I need to start stocking up on items for #2. There's bunches of stuff that you throw after #1 because it gets used to frequently- burp clothes, receiving blankets and the like. I also have no clothes for a little girl and should probably attempt to have her outfitted now and again:) I made my first purchase the other day for her- new baby wash clothes. I've opened them already and used one to clean Quinn's face. I suppose none of her possessions will be totally sacred, at least for a while:) In terms of big stuff, there isn't major shopping to be done, except for a new car seat. We have the baby bucket and that will suffice for the first months, but we'll need to upgrade to a bigger seat at some point and Quinn still fits in his so we need another. We also need a high chair, as the second hand one we did use was already in some rough shape so we chucked it. Luke and Quinn should be at the school in a jiffy to pick me up from the school open house. Must run. Love my boys so very much!

Oooh, right, got it.

This is one of my favorite new expressions of Quinn's. If ever we need to redirect and provide him with an answer he seeks, re responds thoughtfully with, "Ohh, right, got it" and the pauses between each word and the enunciation actually makes it sound like he's considering the new information and processing it. The habit is quite adorable and I relish the familiar phrases in his speech. Lately, Quinn is such a dear when it comes to inviting people to play with him or share something. Even over his McDonalds fries last night he asked me if I wanted to sit with him while he ate and then asked if I wanted to eat fries with him. Then, he proudly told his father and he and I were eating fries together. Don't get me wrong- he still has moments of self-interest that are normal for a three year old. For instance, he and I had some ice cream together and he finished his bowl first and he was more than willing to come over and ask to finish mine. It didn't phase him that I should eat my ice cream:) We do our very best to praise all of his efforts to share and be generous and honor all of his thank you's and please's. Quinn had a very independent dressing day yesterday, wanting to pick out the top he would wear for the day without anyone's help. It's cool to watch those emerging moments of decision making. Unfortunately, he selected two shorts he wasn't able to wear to preschool- Star Wars and Superman:)

Quinn's Pals

Quinn's pals at school are ND and McCall. McCall is a tenacious little girl who hugs Quinn every time he enters the classroom. Earlier this fall Luke mentioned that Quinn had a committee of friends who met him at the door. I like very much that Quinn has beloved friends at school. At conferences with Pros, Luke was told that if they don't specifically try to separate McCall and Quinn during circle time, they won't sit without one another. Quinn and McCall spend all their time together-- which is darling and funny. Last month, Quinn attended his first birthday party at Chuck E Cheese for ND's party. It was a good time, despite the lousy pizza:) Watching McCall and Quinn together was entertaining; she is definitely in charge of their relationship. Hehe.

For a bit, it seemed that Quinn was going to take on some of the same leadership and "bossy" principles that he sees in some of his friends, but that doesn't seem to have turned into a pattern. He can still be demanding, but this makes him a toddler, not someone who has to end up a certain way. How do you nurture in kids a strong sense of self and leadership? How do you balance that with an ability to listen and be kind? Ah the tricky morass of parenthood.

Some of this repeats other ideas from December. So difficult to try and capture all that is happening in his life when I so sporadically can write...

Lego Deficient Mother

This morning I failed my son. Ok, I didn't fail so much as learn how Lego-deficient I am. Quinn and I were playing in his room, working on Legos and having a good time. Then, he found a lego book that modeled a monster truck he wanted me to build. I told him, as I usually do, that legos are Dad's area of expertise. Luke was getting ready to go to game day with his family but I borrowed him for a minute to work on it. Of course, then I realized that Luke had to go and I needed to take over the process.

Over time, the sound of legos shifting back and forth can be grating on nerves. Today I learned that searching for the or "a" particular lego can be excruciating and exhausting. It took forever and I couldn't even find what I needed. That, and reading the directions was not something I am good at. I missed parts I was supposed to add, not able to figure out which was what, etc. I ended up giving Quinn a slightly incomplete version of the truck. At one point, I tried to tell Quinn that I couldn't find the piece I needed and he told me to "use my head and eyes like Daddy". Hilarious. Thank my lucky stars that Quinn is patient and knows that it takes his father time to make them too. The thought in my head was this: "If there was a special olympics for lego making, I would NOT qualify for it..."

Another thought in my head was this: Thank god for Luke and his patient, methodical way to things. There is order to my life, yes, but I sometimes also thrive on speedy chaos and Luke is not like that. He is detailed and precise and able to focus his mind to follow step by step instructions that I would give up on quickly. I am grateful that he is a Lego builder for Quinn, reliable and loving." Ok, so this wasn't exactly my internal monologue, but certainly similar to my appreciation for Luke.

What a verbose story. I am exhausted this afternoon. The moment I laid down for a nap, Quinn was ready to be done with his. Alas, a tired Mommy is ruling the roost.

Boring writing emerges from a mind worn tired by life:)

My day was quite lovely though. A friend of mine treated me to pedicures and lunch at Cafe Latte. It was so amazingly nice to have someone pamper my feet, get my fruity tasting water and eat delicious raspberry white chocolate cheese cake.

Quinn ramblings:)

Quinn is the proud new owner of a dashing red bathrobe from his Auntie Laura. It's quite adorable and he has taken to wearing it over his clothes. He also received some new Cars cars and so he's been happily carrying those in his pockets as well. My son has the penchant for bringing things to school in his pants pockets. I suppose we started the practice by telling him that he couldn't have his own toys at school, persay, but that he could carry something privately in his pocket. Yesterday Doc and Lightning McQueen went to school. The other day it was the toy flashlight/lazer device with Buzz Lightyear on the side.

Well, we have officially- again- tried to limit Quinn's time at school for two reasons: money and the need to get him to his various appts. without having to pull him from school. But, very generously, the leader of St. Kate's would like to offer us some financial help and work with our needs. She says Quinn is doing really well and they'd like to do what they can so he can remain full-time. I am very glad to hear that Quinn is a pleasure to have in school; that affirmation makes me feel happy.

The house has a new look post holidays due to Luke's Christmas pick up and re-arrangement. We are pondering more serious;y the idea of staying here for another term for baby's arrival as opposed to trying to move amidst the final month of pregnancy. Luke and I are seriously bartering over ideas of a king bed and his trips for fishing and the college reunion weekend. I may have discovered a means to the family bed, if I only concede his time away from the family to be with beloved friends.:)

Next week is the Eagle Bluff trip and the family is nearly equipped for the mini vacation with my students. I think it will be a very fun time and like the idea of Quinn enjoying the beauty of the outdoors there for a few days. I've borrowed snow pants and Luke and I obtained new coats and pants for him on clearance last night at stellar prices. Luke is calmed by the fact that I now have a winter coat that covers my belly- and his daughter to be- in this chilly weather. On a happy note, the weather looks like it will be relatively mild for MN next week, which will be positive for the whole trip. There's still detail work to be done for the trip, but I'm feeling less anxious about it all and knowing it will all come together.

The Perinatal Office called yesterday and I need to make my appt. for the fancy ultrasound. The experience should be positive- if only for the cool pics- despite the reason for having to go. Bobbi is thankfully out of the hospital and home again. Her shower is next Saturday at Lana's house and I am one of the co-hosts. She also has a birthday coming up so I believe that we're doing dinner there as well. It's going to make for a busy set of days from the trip to the shower, but thankfully there's a long weekend with MLK Jr. day off of school.

We had some Lego time together as a family last night after Grandma dropped off Quinn from their Friday afternoon excursions. Quinn consistently likes for Chewbacca to ride on a white lego horse. He also wants to make sure that any lego figure that rides on the Star Wars speeder bikes always holds firmly to the handle bars. We located the monkey and hung him from some rigging on the pirate ship, an all important detail to Quinn. We also located the storm trooper that rides atop the animal figurine, which is one of his favorites. His father sat in the corner with his own stack of legos and began to build a bridge:) The lego zone that the two Beck boys of my household can get themselves into is quite adorable.

The other night we had quite a good puzzle session together, playing with one of the Melissa and Doug sets which has a ton of boards with images and shapes fit into the pictures. Quinn knows well his triangles, circles and squares and we were working on labeling rectangle and oval consistently. He selected the activity himself and it felt like a nice Montessori moment in the home.

Late night musings about Quinn

My son likes to be held. He'll stand, say, at the top of the steps or the bottom and want me to carry him up or down. He will lay his head on my shoulder or at times, press his cheek against mine and say, "Cheek to cheek" with a smile. Lately, he likes to hold onto my ear lobes gently and make eye contact. I enjoy watching a move he has with Luke too. He presses his forehead to Luke's and matches stares, while the whole time holding Luke's cheeks in his hands.

We're all scratchers in our family. We itch, even when it hurts us. Quinn has taken on the vigorous habit and in the wee hours of the night while I lay awake this evening, I watched him furiously itch the site of his head. He's also prone to lower back scratches and upper thigh attacks. Poor kid. We're on an evening kick of cereal consumption, which is not a bad thing. We need new milk. We learned the vexing truth to why the Night Before Christmas audio book from Nana and Papa is sometimes fickle--it's about the light. SO, we have to have full light on for it to work properly.

Quinn and I waved our arms in the air tonight with the lights off to see how our shadows worked. Quinn loves finding the moon in the sky whenever we are outside. I am thinking good thoughts for tomorrow's wake up and our back to school routine. Naturally, the fact that I am up puttering away on school work and misc. tasks means that I'll be on my A game:)

Had a lovely visit with a friend today- Sarah Riley. She left while Quinn was napping and when he woke up, he asked right away where his friend was. He was very sad to learn she had left:(. She very kindly brought him a Star Wars sticker book and he was able to demonstrate his knowledge of Star Wars characters. Ah, the "knowledge" some three year olds in the world contain.

"To the City and Beyond" remains a fixture in the household and a quote I adore. Phineus and Ferb movies given at Christmas were an excellent gift and a huge hit in our household. Luke even generously used some of his itunes gift card to buy the Christmas episode that Quinn likes so much. When Quinn returned to bed tonight after his routine waffle with Dad, I asked him if Dad was coming up to bed- as Quinn had instructed Dad to sleep with us on "that" side of the bed and he replied easily, "No, Dad is doing dishes". Interestingly, the dishes are not done...

Today at brunch with Sarah there was a moment where we were discussing fighting and how Luke and I don't really do the verbal argument thing. Sure, we have discussions where not everyone is delighted with the other person, but we're not yellers, by any means. Quinn piped in on the subject of fighting with some reference to light sabers/sticks and robots, I believe, which made me sort of happy in an odd way. If his context for understanding fighting is still fictional and science fiction at that, I've done a decent job- and Luke too- of not having drama or conflict in our home that negatively impacts him. Now, of course, we'll have to model conflict resolution skills as time goes on that are healthier than, say, avoidance or silent treatment, but on the whole, I felt glad that he didn't associate fighting with something in his personal life:)

It's going to hurt like crazy tomorrow when I don't get to take a nap. Turn your brain off Becky.