My son is extraordinary. He likes to use expressions like, "Hey Mom, can I tell you something" with such marvelous enthusiasm that I know this is how he has internalized his need to not interrupt. He wants to get permission to speak and is then unabashed in sharing things. He is profoundly observant and incredibly sweet. The other day we saw a very cute dog being walked and Quinn saw, "Aww, I wish my sister was here to see this". When I decided to take Lily to the gym with me last week, his concern for her was great, even though he was reluctant to join us-- he wanted to play with Dad:). He is sensitive and kind and has a very, very good character. I say that even as that statement triggers for me a reminder of one of his funny habits of late, which is to tell fibs. If I should, say, find a fruit snack wrapper somewhere and ask where he got it, he might tell me that Lily did. If I ask him if he brushed his teeth, he might smile with a bit of mischief and then say yes. So, he's a bit of a frequent fibber, but feels rightfully awful when we discipline him. For a while there, he and I had this great system of him having to complete pages in a phonics workbook before he watched tv. Then, I made the mistake of changing that to reading books for me (the BOB ones) but that created too much pressure and stress so I've backed off from it. We'll probably go back to pages:). He still loves shopping for books and currently wants a Sonic book. Sonic is all the rage here in the house. He likes to watch Sonic underground on Netfiix and draws all sorts of pictures of Sonic and Sonya and whoever else. He likes to write that he loves all of those characters. Pretty adorable. From school, he has certainly picked up the practice of drawing something and then writing about what you draw. I think it's smart that they're having kids visualize and illustrate. Lily just said ouch and put herself back to sleep. She is not a silent sleeper. She has active dreams and makes all sorts of quiet noise throughout the night. My mother ears won't let me sleep in the same room with her. Sometimes she comes to bed with me in the middle of the night or early morning after an epic and lengthy nurse, but mostly, she needs the crib. Don't get me wrong, when the two of them are curled into one another in this gorgeous ball of sibling love, I am pretty much in awe of how awesome they are, but as she's a mover, I don't want her to roll out. I do love the closeness between the two of them and even though they "argue" sometimes, as Quinn will describe, they are loving and sweet. Lily will do and try almost anything that Quinn will do. Tonight, when he had a big sneeze, she decided to force some coughs out and then looked at me and said, "Me sick". They love to run around the dinner table, Lily especially. She is walking with great force and emphasis now because she has new, slightly heavier and sturdier shoes on. Pretty freaking hilarious. She also chose to wear her new spring coat throughout almost the whole afternoon and evening. She is pretty stoked to have new shoes and a coat:). Lily walks with confidence and energy. She has fallen and scraped herself more than Quinn ever did, but she remains brave and ambitious. Her vocabulary and language is out of this world. She uses 3-4 word sentences on a regular basis and can use all sorts of words in combination and to describe. You honestly know what she needs about 95% of the time. She is still on the cusp of 2T and 24 month clothes, even as she nears her birthday. I know Quinn was wearing sizes well above his age:). She is petite and adorable. She has one outfit she loves to wear: flower jeans and her pink Quality chick shirt and both of them are very baggy and boxy. When she wears them she looks so odd and out of sorts-- but she loves it:). Lily is more particular about what she wears and insistent that she approve her clothes. She is thrilled to have two new pairs of pajamas and both of them have dogs on them. She remains an avid fan of dogs. Ok, must go to bed. Love my children with every single fiber of me. So many funny stories. Must write and write so no one forgets and so the kids can read these later:).

From 1/19/11

My daughter is crawling. She is extraordinary. She started off shifting forward just a bit and then would plop herself down on her bottom. She has this lovely way to sit with one leg half up and then the other tucked underneath her. For all her inexperience, she never topples backward. She has this incredible ability to stay balanced when her center of gravity is pretty close to the floor☺ Now, she likes to walk and walk with her hands grasping her parents or the closest adult. She enjoys when I roll my tongue and stick it out at her. She laughs when we laugh. She really likes when we chuckle. It’s adorable. She is growing like crazy and moving up and up in her sizes. Her routine for going to sleep is very ritualistic. Luke wraps her up in her red and black blanket and she puts her finger in her mouth and slowly allows her head to the side. Her poor little finger has a few sores on it because she so frequently sucks on it. I sing to her very often. We’ve set up the new foam floors in the office and in the kids room. Luke has allowed us to bring some toys upstairs so we have a set of toys in the office and her book box in the bedroom. Quinn continues to enjoy his evening routine of pillow nights and wrestling. He allows me to partake now and again, but mostly, Dad is the preferred sport. Quinn describes him as being the strong one. Quinn comes home with necklaces every day from school. He will often have three hanging from his neck when I come home from school. The poor lad can’t detetmine if he needs a nap or not each day. He can do incredibly well on some occasions and other days, can sleep for 3 hours. He likes to sleep with a variety of toys and he hides them under his pillow; you can fit a good dozen srae wars action figures under a single pillow☺. Quinn can fall asleep to Many Moons; Luke considers it the go-to book to get him down. We read the Wemmick book the other day and he now talks about being a wooden person. It was an interesting concept for him to pick up that they weren’t human, but instead they were wooden—he asks lots of questions lately about what’s happening in the pictures and how it connects to the text. I read to him from Ranger Rick the other day. It was fun to give him some non-fiction. Of course, he did not count that as part of our reading routine. At times, he likes to read to himself but when I suggested that to him after the chameleon article had nearly put me to sleep he said that I was the reader, not him. It looks like we’re going to go ahead with pre-school. Something tells me that he can move forward… it’s going to be scary, obviously, to set our little one on the path to k-12 education, but holding him back also seems not to honor where he’s at. It will be difficult to move beyond his safe space… having fear for him and him being fearless… My mom thinks that he could do it. I think that intellectually he could do it. My reservation was about the physical activity and the principal I chatted with from EXPO said that the playground is really open and about racing around without rules. As long as the judgement didn’t happen or social ostracization then I would be cool with it. It doesn’t seem like there will be a school that meets all the qualities I want for him, but I need to settle for the best possible package. Just writing about this makes me want to hurl—and also to tuck him under my arms and protect him from the world. Kindergarten might well be 11th grade for the overall significance.

Quinn came home from grandma’s today after a sleep over. With beauty and kindness, he loves his grandmother and accepts her wholly. I could wish to be so kind and accepting. He loves that the townhouse life means really high drifts of snow by grandma’s house. He doesn’t mind church with her and likes her church family friends, Kyle and Kyra. My daughter is crying while I type this even as her father tries to put her to sleep. I nursed her well and she should be good to go. The night time routine with Lily is interesting. The young one is not as actively preferential in the evening as Quinn was when he was a baby. He had to nurse to go to sleep.

Lily just had a series of bursts of energy. She helped to re-organize the videos downstairs. She loves puling herself up on things and is so confident and curious. She likes to hold herself up against the corners of doors. She loves to chew on items that make a crinkly sound. Quinn’s fruit snacks and granola bars are favorites for them both. Lily likes to eat fresh fruit and she is wildly curious and jealous of the food that we can eat that she cannot. The pasy few nights she has been all about eating a big meal before she goes to bed. Sadly, this hasn’t translated yet into sleeping the night through. I imagine that this will take until the summer, but making predictions about Lily is a bit silly. She exceeds my expectations all of the time and is enduring to the end. She is durable and forgiving. She deals with Quinn’s “affection” really well and doesn’t get too fed up. I’m not sure if this will last for always because she may want to claim some of the toys he will not currently share with her☺. She got the toy room door closed in her face, albeit gently today, because Quinn wanted to keep her away. To be fair, with the thousands of legos in that room, it represents a choking hazard to the extreme. We have yet to baby proof things really well, but are sticking with observation as the key. She can easily pull herself up and can crawl a goodly distance so we can’t assume anything and can’t leave her alone. She has a really magnificent smile.

My son likes to cuddle a great deal. He likes to he held close. The other night, after going without Mom attention for a bit, Quinn was all about grabbing ears. He had to go beyond his elbow affection☺. The boy loves his Ritz crackers, by the way. We know that he’s never going to eat the cheese in his lnchable and that’s cool because it’s not very cheese-like.

My son’s little toes are still more adorable than I can say. Lily has small little feet and are adorable and perfect. Baby feet may be the most amazing things ever. Her fingers are so long; her tummy is soft, her arms a beautiful puggy. I wish my memory would allow me to hold the pictures in my mind of holding these precious babies in my arms. They are exquisite in their happiness, in their innocence and in their love for luke and I. Being a Mom to them and seeing how they need and love me—those are the most important things in life. My children are incredible blessings to me. They ground me and show me at my most vulnerable, my best and my worst. I spoke with cutting to Quinn today. I spoke with him with impatience. I wish I had all of my energies times 2

Luke and Juliet were over today with their parents Carolyn and Chris. It was actually a lovely visit and fun to see the kids running around. It was further proof that having additional children would be dizzying, but the kids playing together actually provides some freedom for adult conversation. We did the breakfast thing for lunch and enjoyed the Star Wars pancakes and two lbs. of baacon☺ Lily had her first bacon today☺ she liked it, as is the family way. The two guys are outside shoveling right now. I love Quinn’s desire to be outside helping, even if his shoveling is less precise and helpful than he thinks☺ The point is he’s out there with his Dad and wants to help. The kids did pretty alright today getting along. Quinn had some sharing challenges and Luke had some leaving challenges. The fellas are still outside shoveling. My son is still adorable in his winter cap from Nana. She bought it for him when he was two and it still fits his funny little head.

Lily is laying under her IKEA toy. She's grown so much lately that she can firmly hold the hanging toys in her hands. Her legs kick and tense themselves as she engages. Nursing with Lily is such a funny experience. She stops often to turn her head and examine the world. She's just as likely to stop, just so she can look up at me and make eye contact, smiling as her eyes follow me. She's talking a ton right now, gabbing enthusiastically. She's wearing 6-9 month clothes and we're trying to navigate the changing seasons. She speaks in long phrases and sentences, with expressive grunts and enthusiasm. She has an easy smile each time I come home from work. I have to work for smiles a bit harder when she's sleep deprived. She does love her Daddy but she seems at ease with me, despite my long hours at work. She has never had a tense bath that I can think of. She remains a marvel when it comes to bed time and turning to her side and sucking her finger. She loves to grab her toes now. Sometimes, Luke will prop her up and she sits forward, reaching. She's toppled forward a couple times, but she always seems moving forward, quickly. Luke worries a bit that she will be the type to skip crawling altogether. We discuss how Quinn has his father's temperament and might well be cool with B's, even when capable of A's, but that Lily will be driven and intense, like her mother. Who knows how much of this is authentic evaluation of our children and how much we're projecting. Either way, we love them as they are.

"That was so close"
"Good job guys"
"I have an idea!"

Quinny is standing on the blue nursing pillow and working on his balance, alternately saying, "Whoa, Whooa, Whoa!!" He's wearing the tops to his buzz light year pajamas and playing with this Star Wars Legos. We recently returned from a trip to Le Sueur where Father and Son raided the cubby hole and brought back with them a fleet of new SW toys, including tapes and books. Fortunately, Luke was able to find the recordings on line as the tapes were in sad shape. Quinn enjoys listening to the stories and turning the pages when he hears the beep beep of R2D2.

This morning Lily, Quinn and I were snuggling in the big bed and Quinn asked us all to hug one another. And then, with his head tucked against his little sister, Quinn reported that "we have the best family ever!"

My son is delightfully tall. I see him laying on the bed upstairs for his afternoon nap and he's more than half the length of the bed. His long, thin legs are so wonderful to watch as he runs. Yesterday we ran together to the park, along with Kate, the daughter of Shane, the friend of Luke's from high school that I am encouraging to apply for the CAHS position. Quinn talks so very much and I love the sound of his voice. He has so many directions to give, insights to offer and these statements might be punctuated with a line like: "that's the point, Mom". He continues to be very devoted to his Mother and can be quite devastated if I ever have to scold him or yell. Even if I don't yell, he approximates the experience of being reprimanded by me as being "yelled" at and he sobs quite terribly. Poor boy.

Lily has such a define little personality, intense and adorable. She continues to sleep well (knock on wood) at night and also continues her pattern of not sleeping for lengthy naps during the day. She has developed unhappiness around strangers and this has created some complexes among the grandmothers. But, my mom was patient with her today and has had a better time of it with her. We also think it has to do with scents and she has a response to strong ones.

Luke may be on the cusp of something great professionally, in partnership with his mother. I almost can't let myself feel the joy of two paychecks once again because that might mean dealing with the stress of the past year and that's something I have deeply compartmentalized. The new job causes me both stress and joy. I had two successful intakes the other day and at the same time, feel like I am always waiting for permission or guidance when I would rather have autonomy to make decisions for myself. But, this is what the job is and I will learn to be patient and smart about bringing decisions to the powers that be. If they don't know about it, perhaps that is all the better, right?

Quinn and I have been romping together at the Great River Water Park pool, much to his delight. He loves to throw himself forward into the water, even if it means some bruised knees. He also loves to b thrown, swung back and forth to a one-two-three count and then sent splashing into the water. He's quite adorable to watch enthusiastically imitating some sort of dog paddle. He loves the little slides there and revels in the open space. He also likes the outdoor pool at HIghland, but not quite so much as the indoor spot. I like not having to lather up in serious sunblock. As I've purchased the Aquatics pass, we'll be swimming often to make that money worthwhile.

Life is chaotic and busy. My work at the new job is keeping me forever thinking and doing. Yesterday I had my Campus training, did lots of correspondence, made calls, etc. Gracious! It's so surreal to me that my maternity leave is hardly one at all. That first month I did center on Lily and little much of anything else aside from the family. But, about mid-June, the pace of life just accelerated and hasn't slowed. We've found a house and signed a purchase agreement. That was a chore and a half to cart poor Lily from house to house in the mornings. When we weren't doing that, I've been taking meetings almost every morning so I can connect with staff and get rolling in my new digs. It's difficult for me to imagine myself in charge of the school but I am hopeful I can do it well. I've connected with the majority of the staff and will be patient with those who are still not engaging.

Lily continues to prove that her personality it very different from her brother's. She can be very intense when it comes to being sleepy and not wanting to drift off. She will not nurse herself to sleep 9 times out of 10 and she won't relax into nursing unless she's really hungry. Otherwise, she'll snack and then develop a bubble and be very upset. There are methods to caring for her though and they simply require more heavy lifting than Luke or I was used to with Quinn.

We're working on the Cars for Poop project right now and if Quinn goes in the potty he gets a new Cars car. It's turning out to be an expensive project to support, but I hope it works. The star wars project was a total wash since we had set it up to be too complex. Then, we just ended up giving him the legos for small markers, even though the cost of the set was high. We went to lunch yesterday at S. Clair broiler and then walked down to Peapod. Gracious, that's a dangerous store. They have so many cool kids toys and items. Lily got herself a beautiful wooden rattle and Quinn walked away with the Melissa and Doug cookie set, as well as a set of placemats for the table.

Quinn continues to have a nightly waffle and fruit snack. It turns out he'll eat oranges and strawberries, but only at school. Quinn is back in vacation bible school with Grandma this week and made me a sheep and for the first time seemed to indicate that it was for me. When I walked into the classroom yesterday to pick him up he was really sweetly and with great focus, playing with Noah's ark. Cute. We are listening to his cd quite often and no one can get the SonQuest songs our of their head.

Lily has striped her poor little head with bald spots due to her swinging hands. When she stirs or gets tired, she swipes her hands against her head and its caused some bald spots. It looks almost like she's divided her head into two parts- top and bottom. Funny little girl. She likes to hold toys now and enjoys the little dragon fly from her chair. She loves to stare at the IKEA fish we have hanging from the fan and she likes the wooden frame dealio we got at IKEA the other week. She loves to talk and jibber jabber and is an enthusiastic kicker. There are very few nursing sessions where her legs actually stop moving. The night nurses are the most relaxing as she will actually lay still and snuggle next to me. Lily loves when I sing to her and more often than not, when I approach her for the first look or moment, she brightens and smiles when she sees me. She is certainly growing and putting on weight, but not too terribly. She is good about standing up with our help and LUke has recently started popping her in the boppy chair. I'm doing all I can to pump and have bottles ready. I'm not ahead by much more than a bottle at a time so I need to work really vigilantly on that for the school year. She takes a bottle beautifully though without any complaint and Luke has started to crave the simplicity of that. For me, however, if I'm here, I'm not going to give up to the bottle. She's already a huge fan of her nook and needs that to settle into sleep.

Quinn had a major meltdown yesterday when we came back from errands after picking him up from school. He wanted to watch a movie, I expect, and we said no because it was time for a nap. He threw his Sheriff car and we took it from him. He was devastated and worked himself into quite a tearful state. Luke worked with him, as I had to feed the Lilster, who was committing in her usual noncommittal fashion to the meal, and he wanted Quinn to be calm when he saw me-- as he wanted me. When he gets into that breathless hyperventilating state Luke does his best to model breathing and to get him to calm down. I held Quinn a very long time and we talked together. It can really devastate the poor lad when he perceives me to be angry with him or having yelled at him, sensitive soul. Ok, must sleep. More later.

Oh, the joys and heart ache of parenthood. Quinn was back in this week to see Sekhon to check on his ears. She also did a full check of reflexes and the works. She detected a tightness in one of his ankle cords and in cooperation with his speech and low muscle concerns, she believes its possible that he has a very mild case of cerebral palsy. The news was very alarming to me, even as Luke did his best to express that Sekhon said this was not something to worry about. But, when you look online, the reasons for this occurring all point to some role I had to play in Quinn's life, active or otherwise. Did the long labor, which caused his torticollis, bring on this condition? Did something go amiss while he grew in my belly? Uggh. I look at this phenomenal little man who I adore with everything in me and I don't want him to have any more physical challenges. So, we're off to Gilette's Hospital for a consultation and hopefully we'll learn more-- including news that he does not have CP. His speech therapist says he's made good progress and has the sounds he needs for when he's 5 and 6 and 7, but doesn't have the K and G sounds he is meant to have at age 4. We're up for evaluation for HP coverage and she's going to lobby for more time. The CP would likely result in physical therapy sessions. Ah, the sweet world of co-pays.

Poor Lily had a terrible cold this week and had quite the runny nose, cough and sneezing fit. We had a very active weekend though and so that may have lowered her defenses. She's come out of it well though and seems to have turned the corner. Yesterday she had a really good visit with Matthea while Luke and I were out looking at houses. She is doing so very well holding objects and likes in particular her dragon fly from the bouncy chair. She also loves watching her black and white rattle and will hold it herself. Lily continues to get up twice a night and Luke and I have a good system in place for us all. She engaged in some longer, more relaxed nursing this week while she was ill and I confess that it felt like some quality bonding to help her to feel more comfortable and improve her health. Of course, now she's back to more abbreviated feedings and loves to kick while nursing, which is so NOT relaxing to me as I try and make sure she doesn't catapult herself off the pillow. She continue to be a total pro when it comes to the bottle and that sort of freedom and responsibility for me is odd. I struggle to find time to calmly pump and every ounce seems like gold to me. With only a month left of summer, I've got to get a collection going so that she'll be ok when I return to school. Alright, must get ready for Paul's visit this morning to write up our offer on the Benson place.

more later.

Antics at the river with Quinn
OUr first playdate with McCall at our place
Quinn and Dad wrestling
Quinn's bummer carpet burn
More fun at the pool and lake
Lily bumping up into 6 mo onesies.
Lily watching her fish and the new IKEA toy
Lily likes my singing

My children are very different from one another. While they looking strikingly like the other, their personalities really vary. It has been a challenge for me to reconcile how different Lily is from the infant Quinn, especially because she needs new skills from me, aside from the ability to nurse. For Quinn, nursing was the answer to every dilemma. For comfort, to sleep, to eat... it all meant he loved to nurse and relaxed into it. Lily can kick her way through a whole nursing session and only does it because she knows she has to. If she's not hungry, she's not nursing, even if she's tense and tired. At night, she'll have a longer, more peaceful nurse, but I assume this is simply because she's already half asleep. If she has a bubble or gas, she'll refuse to eat until it's taken care of. Now, one one hand, Lily has taken a bottle several times and is a pro at it now. This means I have the freedom to leave the house and take care of non-Mommy business. On the other hand, I feel less needed and even when she does nurse, I don't necessarily feel wanted. My darling girl smiles and talks when we interact and I sing to her and this is a saving grace. Who ever thought my singing would be something that would yield such warm fuzzies:) Quinn continues to be on the children's version of an emotional roller coaster as he processes the changes to his life with a sister. Some days are really uneventful and others seem speckled with his struggle. We've gotten an aquatics pass for the city water parks and this activity helps, but it does contribute to the above dilemma of not feeling necessary to Lily. I can take Quinn swimming and he loves the one on one time with me, but if I've worked that morning at school, I roll right into the afternoon with little time with her. She does love a new toy we picked up at IKEA and is really fascinated with it. She's just so much more independent of me than her brother. Quinn could nurse for hours it seemed. I'm glad we kept Quinn in preschool for the summer even if he's arrived there on time maybe once. It is a nice consistency to his day, even if arrival varies. Yesterday I trucked down to my Mom's place so I could keep myself awake (Quinn wouldn't nap) and had dinner with her. Lily continues to find her somewhat disagreeable, for whatever reason and the poor girl is bound to hear that story from Grandma from years to come, like its personal or something:) Quinn loves watching Bolt recently and I admit that it's a pretty clever film, despite Miley Cyrus being a voice. Quinn persists in his diaper wearing and I am thankful that the pediatrician told me not to try anything with vigor until Lily was 6 months old because its just too much going on. His chatter continues to be very fun to listen to. He's very adept at setting a series of sequential objectives for us. "We'll go to school and then you'll pick me up and then we'll go to the shopping store and get my fruit snacks and then we'll come home and watch a movie, K?" Yesterday he chose to pack his own dinner to take to Grandma's. He didn't eat the dinner, but it was a cute act of independence (the packing, that is). He remains pretty laid back about clothes selection with only the occasional protest about what he's wearing. He LOVES his new tennies, a fabulous lime green and grey pair of North face shoes. He says they make it so he's faster and can jump higher and that's true. He's quite dapper in them. His knees and shins are a canvas for summer scrapes and bruises and he is largely unphased by them unless he happens to be tired and notices them once again. His love for elbows and ears continues, but mostly just in the sleepy, needy moments of the day. He does want me to sit with him and watch a movie, or watch him throw himself belly first onto the bed or ottoman or couch. He loves that leaping idea. He also likes to show me how he can step down from the ottoman. I've said it often enough that he identifies those actions as meaning he has strong legs or arms. Pretty cool. His reading of books is becoming more and more engaged. He has to know what's happening in the detail with the illustrations and he often takes the book from my hands now to study the picture and make sure it aligns with the words. Lily has been a trooper and a half with the house hunting and will head out on her third trip with Paul, Luke and I tomorrow morning to look at homes. We really like one on Blair but I can't let myself get lost in the desire in case the financing doesn't come through. It will be at the closing or in the days leading up to the closing that my heart will really start to race with the reality of it all. I'm working very hard at my new job and I keep telling myself when I have to leave the baby in the morning that it's for the family that I'm doing all of this. I don't know if its the second child thing or Lily specifically and her temperament, but I don't feel panic in leaving her for a bit. I was all nerves whenever I was away from Quinn as an infant and didn't spend a night away from him for 2-3 years. Now, I can go to work and while I have guilt- of course- I get through it. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I love my children very much-- both of them-- but if I want this house for them then I have to be good at my job so I keep it and the money comes in. I don't know when Luke will have a job again and I have to be the breadwinner-- and make good bread. Alright, better try and head back to bed before Lily wakes for her early morning feeding. Seriously, the girl gets up just twice the whole night! How wonderful and strange and amazing!