Quinn and I have been romping together at the Great River Water Park pool, much to his delight. He loves to throw himself forward into the water, even if it means some bruised knees. He also loves to b thrown, swung back and forth to a one-two-three count and then sent splashing into the water. He's quite adorable to watch enthusiastically imitating some sort of dog paddle. He loves the little slides there and revels in the open space. He also likes the outdoor pool at HIghland, but not quite so much as the indoor spot. I like not having to lather up in serious sunblock. As I've purchased the Aquatics pass, we'll be swimming often to make that money worthwhile.

Life is chaotic and busy. My work at the new job is keeping me forever thinking and doing. Yesterday I had my Campus training, did lots of correspondence, made calls, etc. Gracious! It's so surreal to me that my maternity leave is hardly one at all. That first month I did center on Lily and little much of anything else aside from the family. But, about mid-June, the pace of life just accelerated and hasn't slowed. We've found a house and signed a purchase agreement. That was a chore and a half to cart poor Lily from house to house in the mornings. When we weren't doing that, I've been taking meetings almost every morning so I can connect with staff and get rolling in my new digs. It's difficult for me to imagine myself in charge of the school but I am hopeful I can do it well. I've connected with the majority of the staff and will be patient with those who are still not engaging.

Lily continues to prove that her personality it very different from her brother's. She can be very intense when it comes to being sleepy and not wanting to drift off. She will not nurse herself to sleep 9 times out of 10 and she won't relax into nursing unless she's really hungry. Otherwise, she'll snack and then develop a bubble and be very upset. There are methods to caring for her though and they simply require more heavy lifting than Luke or I was used to with Quinn.

We're working on the Cars for Poop project right now and if Quinn goes in the potty he gets a new Cars car. It's turning out to be an expensive project to support, but I hope it works. The star wars project was a total wash since we had set it up to be too complex. Then, we just ended up giving him the legos for small markers, even though the cost of the set was high. We went to lunch yesterday at S. Clair broiler and then walked down to Peapod. Gracious, that's a dangerous store. They have so many cool kids toys and items. Lily got herself a beautiful wooden rattle and Quinn walked away with the Melissa and Doug cookie set, as well as a set of placemats for the table.

Quinn continues to have a nightly waffle and fruit snack. It turns out he'll eat oranges and strawberries, but only at school. Quinn is back in vacation bible school with Grandma this week and made me a sheep and for the first time seemed to indicate that it was for me. When I walked into the classroom yesterday to pick him up he was really sweetly and with great focus, playing with Noah's ark. Cute. We are listening to his cd quite often and no one can get the SonQuest songs our of their head.

Lily has striped her poor little head with bald spots due to her swinging hands. When she stirs or gets tired, she swipes her hands against her head and its caused some bald spots. It looks almost like she's divided her head into two parts- top and bottom. Funny little girl. She likes to hold toys now and enjoys the little dragon fly from her chair. She loves to stare at the IKEA fish we have hanging from the fan and she likes the wooden frame dealio we got at IKEA the other week. She loves to talk and jibber jabber and is an enthusiastic kicker. There are very few nursing sessions where her legs actually stop moving. The night nurses are the most relaxing as she will actually lay still and snuggle next to me. Lily loves when I sing to her and more often than not, when I approach her for the first look or moment, she brightens and smiles when she sees me. She is certainly growing and putting on weight, but not too terribly. She is good about standing up with our help and LUke has recently started popping her in the boppy chair. I'm doing all I can to pump and have bottles ready. I'm not ahead by much more than a bottle at a time so I need to work really vigilantly on that for the school year. She takes a bottle beautifully though without any complaint and Luke has started to crave the simplicity of that. For me, however, if I'm here, I'm not going to give up to the bottle. She's already a huge fan of her nook and needs that to settle into sleep.

Quinn had a major meltdown yesterday when we came back from errands after picking him up from school. He wanted to watch a movie, I expect, and we said no because it was time for a nap. He threw his Sheriff car and we took it from him. He was devastated and worked himself into quite a tearful state. Luke worked with him, as I had to feed the Lilster, who was committing in her usual noncommittal fashion to the meal, and he wanted Quinn to be calm when he saw me-- as he wanted me. When he gets into that breathless hyperventilating state Luke does his best to model breathing and to get him to calm down. I held Quinn a very long time and we talked together. It can really devastate the poor lad when he perceives me to be angry with him or having yelled at him, sensitive soul. Ok, must sleep. More later.

Oh, the joys and heart ache of parenthood. Quinn was back in this week to see Sekhon to check on his ears. She also did a full check of reflexes and the works. She detected a tightness in one of his ankle cords and in cooperation with his speech and low muscle concerns, she believes its possible that he has a very mild case of cerebral palsy. The news was very alarming to me, even as Luke did his best to express that Sekhon said this was not something to worry about. But, when you look online, the reasons for this occurring all point to some role I had to play in Quinn's life, active or otherwise. Did the long labor, which caused his torticollis, bring on this condition? Did something go amiss while he grew in my belly? Uggh. I look at this phenomenal little man who I adore with everything in me and I don't want him to have any more physical challenges. So, we're off to Gilette's Hospital for a consultation and hopefully we'll learn more-- including news that he does not have CP. His speech therapist says he's made good progress and has the sounds he needs for when he's 5 and 6 and 7, but doesn't have the K and G sounds he is meant to have at age 4. We're up for evaluation for HP coverage and she's going to lobby for more time. The CP would likely result in physical therapy sessions. Ah, the sweet world of co-pays.

Poor Lily had a terrible cold this week and had quite the runny nose, cough and sneezing fit. We had a very active weekend though and so that may have lowered her defenses. She's come out of it well though and seems to have turned the corner. Yesterday she had a really good visit with Matthea while Luke and I were out looking at houses. She is doing so very well holding objects and likes in particular her dragon fly from the bouncy chair. She also loves watching her black and white rattle and will hold it herself. Lily continues to get up twice a night and Luke and I have a good system in place for us all. She engaged in some longer, more relaxed nursing this week while she was ill and I confess that it felt like some quality bonding to help her to feel more comfortable and improve her health. Of course, now she's back to more abbreviated feedings and loves to kick while nursing, which is so NOT relaxing to me as I try and make sure she doesn't catapult herself off the pillow. She continue to be a total pro when it comes to the bottle and that sort of freedom and responsibility for me is odd. I struggle to find time to calmly pump and every ounce seems like gold to me. With only a month left of summer, I've got to get a collection going so that she'll be ok when I return to school. Alright, must get ready for Paul's visit this morning to write up our offer on the Benson place.

more later.

Antics at the river with Quinn
OUr first playdate with McCall at our place
Quinn and Dad wrestling
Quinn's bummer carpet burn
More fun at the pool and lake
Lily bumping up into 6 mo onesies.
Lily watching her fish and the new IKEA toy
Lily likes my singing

My children are very different from one another. While they looking strikingly like the other, their personalities really vary. It has been a challenge for me to reconcile how different Lily is from the infant Quinn, especially because she needs new skills from me, aside from the ability to nurse. For Quinn, nursing was the answer to every dilemma. For comfort, to sleep, to eat... it all meant he loved to nurse and relaxed into it. Lily can kick her way through a whole nursing session and only does it because she knows she has to. If she's not hungry, she's not nursing, even if she's tense and tired. At night, she'll have a longer, more peaceful nurse, but I assume this is simply because she's already half asleep. If she has a bubble or gas, she'll refuse to eat until it's taken care of. Now, one one hand, Lily has taken a bottle several times and is a pro at it now. This means I have the freedom to leave the house and take care of non-Mommy business. On the other hand, I feel less needed and even when she does nurse, I don't necessarily feel wanted. My darling girl smiles and talks when we interact and I sing to her and this is a saving grace. Who ever thought my singing would be something that would yield such warm fuzzies:) Quinn continues to be on the children's version of an emotional roller coaster as he processes the changes to his life with a sister. Some days are really uneventful and others seem speckled with his struggle. We've gotten an aquatics pass for the city water parks and this activity helps, but it does contribute to the above dilemma of not feeling necessary to Lily. I can take Quinn swimming and he loves the one on one time with me, but if I've worked that morning at school, I roll right into the afternoon with little time with her. She does love a new toy we picked up at IKEA and is really fascinated with it. She's just so much more independent of me than her brother. Quinn could nurse for hours it seemed. I'm glad we kept Quinn in preschool for the summer even if he's arrived there on time maybe once. It is a nice consistency to his day, even if arrival varies. Yesterday I trucked down to my Mom's place so I could keep myself awake (Quinn wouldn't nap) and had dinner with her. Lily continues to find her somewhat disagreeable, for whatever reason and the poor girl is bound to hear that story from Grandma from years to come, like its personal or something:) Quinn loves watching Bolt recently and I admit that it's a pretty clever film, despite Miley Cyrus being a voice. Quinn persists in his diaper wearing and I am thankful that the pediatrician told me not to try anything with vigor until Lily was 6 months old because its just too much going on. His chatter continues to be very fun to listen to. He's very adept at setting a series of sequential objectives for us. "We'll go to school and then you'll pick me up and then we'll go to the shopping store and get my fruit snacks and then we'll come home and watch a movie, K?" Yesterday he chose to pack his own dinner to take to Grandma's. He didn't eat the dinner, but it was a cute act of independence (the packing, that is). He remains pretty laid back about clothes selection with only the occasional protest about what he's wearing. He LOVES his new tennies, a fabulous lime green and grey pair of North face shoes. He says they make it so he's faster and can jump higher and that's true. He's quite dapper in them. His knees and shins are a canvas for summer scrapes and bruises and he is largely unphased by them unless he happens to be tired and notices them once again. His love for elbows and ears continues, but mostly just in the sleepy, needy moments of the day. He does want me to sit with him and watch a movie, or watch him throw himself belly first onto the bed or ottoman or couch. He loves that leaping idea. He also likes to show me how he can step down from the ottoman. I've said it often enough that he identifies those actions as meaning he has strong legs or arms. Pretty cool. His reading of books is becoming more and more engaged. He has to know what's happening in the detail with the illustrations and he often takes the book from my hands now to study the picture and make sure it aligns with the words. Lily has been a trooper and a half with the house hunting and will head out on her third trip with Paul, Luke and I tomorrow morning to look at homes. We really like one on Blair but I can't let myself get lost in the desire in case the financing doesn't come through. It will be at the closing or in the days leading up to the closing that my heart will really start to race with the reality of it all. I'm working very hard at my new job and I keep telling myself when I have to leave the baby in the morning that it's for the family that I'm doing all of this. I don't know if its the second child thing or Lily specifically and her temperament, but I don't feel panic in leaving her for a bit. I was all nerves whenever I was away from Quinn as an infant and didn't spend a night away from him for 2-3 years. Now, I can go to work and while I have guilt- of course- I get through it. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I love my children very much-- both of them-- but if I want this house for them then I have to be good at my job so I keep it and the money comes in. I don't know when Luke will have a job again and I have to be the breadwinner-- and make good bread. Alright, better try and head back to bed before Lily wakes for her early morning feeding. Seriously, the girl gets up just twice the whole night! How wonderful and strange and amazing!

My daughter is all rolls and folds and a crooked smile when her head comes to read on her shoulder or mine. She has beautiful eyes and I spend lots of time holding her in front of the mirror so I can watch her peaceful little face. While she's been a bit more fussy lately, she is still nearly always calm in my arms. She is going through a phase where she wants to be held by Mom and Dad as opposed to others, but this seems normal to me developmentally. She now knows who we are and likes our presence. Everyone else seems like a stranger and that's reasonably alarming for an infant who craves safety and closeness. Quinn was away for the night with Nana and Papa and we'll meet up with them at Lee and Kris' after they go to the parade. Quinn has been a talking wonder lately and loves when I sing to him my made up songs like, "Quinn is jumping on the bed..." He is quite hilarious. He quoted his Dad yesterday describing his tent as "nice and cozy". He is making good progress is speech and we're being better about working with him on his homework. There are two more sessions of summer school and then he'll be home full-time for a bit. Last week he and I went to the public pool over at Minnehaha Park and I had a hoot watching his playful and carefree habits. He had with him his birthday present from June, these torpedo things for the water. He threw them into the water and a herd of kids gathered to chase them around. Some drama ensued among the kids who wanted in on Quinn's action, but my son was completely oblivious to it all and jumped around putting wet foot prints on the cement and using a rock bench of sorts to jump up with his hands propping him. So many times lately he wants to show us that he's hopping on one foot, or stepping down from the tall ottoman or trying to stretch his legs so he climbs two or three stairs at a time. In other news, he did earn his Commander Cody because he pooped in the potty. When he did that, however, he didn't have his penis tucked in and so he also peed also down his leg, soaking his sock and shoe. Yesterday, we made our seasonal trip to REI and purchased a new pair of outdoor shoes. They're quite cool looking and he was super pumped about their fit; this was a good thing considering he had walked into the store wanting Star Wars shoes and he came out light on his feet, able to run and leap faster:) Nachos are a new fun snack for Quinn. He still has a pretty narrow palate, but he eats enough healthy things periodically that we choose not to get stressed about it. We need to expand the family meal plan period, so I can't say Quinn is to blame for his culinary choices. He's not interested in trying new things, but we do our part in that we occasionally introduce new things.

Lily had learned the comfort of a lengthy nursing. She spent the first two months very practical about the whole thing and expedient. Now, she can relax into it and nurse for a bit. Her 5-6 hour sleep periods have for the last couple of days traded for 3-4 hours, but the joy of LUke putting her to bed every night is super awesome. She doesn't nurse herself to sleep in the evenings like her brother, so I have the freedom to put Quinn to bed, which I like very much. Luke and I had two meals out and about with each other this weekend and Lily was a pretty good date companion. Sweet girl. I find that I do like when she looks especially cute in a special outfit. With Quinn, I thought he looked dashing and adorable in anything-- what were my choices, anyway, but with Lily there are so many options out there-- like two distinct wardrobes. We'll see how this plays out over the years. Lily too really enjoys when I sing to her and she talks and talks with her lovely little voice. Her smile is so bright and her face so animated when we talk back and forth. Sometimes it seems almost like she's trying to sing with me and I have to hold myself back from interrupting her:)

So busy:) The world of house hunting and buying is quite intense and lately, mornings and mind power have all been devoted to this task. We're meeting with a second realtor tomorrow in search of a good match for our search. Then, we get to start looking at houses. On one hand, it's an ideal time for Luke to be home so we can do this together. On the other hand, we have definite financial needs that are coming to a head. With his unemployment done, we're in a pickle financially and it will make paying a mortgage impossible. Still, we forge ahead and pray that all will work out.

Lily is blessing us with long sleep sessions at night and is happy to have her father put her to sleep each night. For the first time today she had a really lengthy feeding, but otherwise, she is typically Miss Efficiency. Quinn had a series of lovely birthday celebrations starting with a great bash at Eagle's Nest with his preschool pals. It was a great celebration with the friends and parents-- and we timed things well with food and whatnot. Quinn has been catapulted into the Galactic Heroes series of Star Wars materials and likes them very much. This was compliments of Tony, one of his St. Kate's pals. He was also joined at the party by McCall, June, Luke, Max, ND, Owen and Ben. It was a super nice time. Sunday, Father's Day, was a day at Newell Park with the Edberg's and we had gorgeous weather and traipsed through Como Zoo and then back to the park for leftovers. Everyone had a nice time so we were glad that our hosting duties went well. On his actual day, we took him to see Toy Story 3 and had Noodles for dinner, his favorite. Yesterday was the final bash with the McCammon's and we got an ice cream cake from Izzy's, which was divine. All in all, I believe we rang in his new year with lots of attention and expense:) Still, the poor lad suffers somewhat now that Lily is here, though he does love her and has adjusted as well as we could have hoped. Our bed routine is pretty set now and that sort of predictability for him has to help. We've gone a week now without major protestation about going to school and that is a positive thing; before, i think he wanted to stay home with us and saw that Lily had that privilege. We're coming up on a long weekend for the 4th so we'll see what happens.

The kids had their respective appts. this week for 2 months and 4 years. Poor Quinn described his shot as sharp and was quite saddened by it. Lily also disliked her 3 shots and one oral vaccine. Her check up was smooth sailing and she's weighing in the the 94%. Quinn is also fit as a fiddle and making good progress. Unfortunately, she noticed issues in both his ears and his right eye so we're off to the specialists post haste. Of course, we'd be making these visits anyways because of my issues, but now we have some cause other than heredity. Uggh.

After re-reading some sections from the Sleep Book, I am newly invested in providing Lily with the understanding and routine that she needs to sleep well. Of course there's no schedule at this age, but we can build in some regularity to her world, as best as possible. I want her to be able to be out and about without worrying too much about her "schedule", but I also need her to got to sleep close to Quinn's bedtime, if possible. Respecting how she sleeps and how long it takes her to get into deep sleep has helped the past week or so and we've been rewarded with two 5 hour blocks of sleep the past two nights. She is also going to bed earlier. I am starting to be more aware of what to look for when she begins to tire and get cranky and I do my best to get her to a quiet space when she needs it. Quinn too is getting up closer to his normal sleep time and going to bed earlier than a week or so ago.

Quinn is still showing signs of needing Mom and Dad's presence and attention, which is normal. Yesterday, the first half of the day felt like I always had to say, "just one minute" or "hold on" and that made me feel terrible because it was always due to needing to do something for Lily. On the other end, Lily spends a decent amount of time in her little chairs or propped up, staring at moving objects or listening to music. She needs the quiet time, yes, but it does feel like both children need more than I can give at any given moment. With that said, I do try when I am having solo time with each of them to be as doting and attentive as possible. Sometimes, in Quinn's case, he just wants to know that I am here as a passive, but present part of his day.

I think we're coming to the end of Quinn's bout with hand, foot and mouth disease. We wrongly thought his swollen lip and reluctance to eat was about picking too much of his lip skin off or biting some part of his mouth, but he actually had terrible ulcerations in his mouth from the virus. We've spoiled him with food that is cool and easy on his mouth, but he is slowly but surely going back to his normal foods.

Quinn is saying I love you much more often lately and doing it without solicitation from me. He also can get quite upset with us and say things like, "I'm not your Mommy anymore" etc. He has this thing about whipping his stuffed animals around. On one hand, maybe this is supposed to be an ok expression of anger and frustration and I'd rather he hit toys than people, but it also seems somewhat disrespectful of his property and we want him to treat his things well. I know there are lessons and exceptions in this moment...

Lily has quite an emerging personality and likes to smile and laugh when doted on. Luke like to give her kisses and then make fun noises and he backs away and opens his mouth wide open. He has her trained to open her mouth wide like his when he backs away and makes the sound:) Lily continues to be a really easy bather and has no stress about it. She's got folds aplenty on her plump little figure and we try to get in there and keep her fresh:)

Quinn has become really agreeable and accepting of his morning routine. I suspect this is connected to feeling better but also to waking up on her own as opposed to us pressuring him to wake for school. To be clear, pressuring maybe overstates it a bit since both Luke and I know he's Luke's son when it comes to the morning and waking up. Both yesterday and today, Quinn woke up before me and waited patiently for me to rouse myself. When I finally decided to wake up and turned toward him, he smiled at me with bright eyes and said "good morning". I do like when things I do on a regular basis, like saying "good morning" and beginning the day happily, come back to me in his behavior. I know that the opposite will be true too, but I revel in his mimicking of positive behavior.

Now that the school year is officially over, I need to start thinking about planning for the new year in a way that will keep me sane. A part of me is even thinking of applying for a TOSA position to lead our school. It would be a great deal of work and change-- challenging me in many ways-- but it might mean less work at home and that could be just what I need in this new year. I think that most everything that the job entails I could learn, though certainly not all of it would be desirable. But, I could put my own spin on it. I will talk more with Caleb to see if it's even worth applying.

In the next couple of years I need to start the National Board Certification for Teachers. It will be a good experience to tighten up my pedagogy and keep me on my toes and the pay bumps will also be a good thing for the family. Alright, I better go and try to write a portion of this novel. The kids continue to make me happy and grateful for life. Walks down by the river with Lily in the past two days have been very centering. We go half way through Quinn's nap and it makes for some good down time for me and for Luke.

Next week I have the housing classes in the evenings and that should be plenty to set my mind racing. Still, a house or housing will happen and I have a job and i am grateful. My kids are well fed and content and Luke is a very good father. I must count my blessings every day!

She's been surrounded by more noise in these 6 weeks than I probably allowed Quinn to experience in the first year. She's been out and about in the world 10x more than her big brother. He was the picture of mellow. He ate and slept and looked divine. She eats, but fast and efficiently and even then, her leg might be kicking, she gets flooded out by milk and has to stop and burp... she's a very different child. In her moments of calm, which are not rare, she looks around curious at the world and is very engaged. She follows sounds, locks eyes with her Dad or I and makes cooing noises and imitates speech. She tries to push up on her feet now and again when being held, and likes to be held while listening to the lullabies Dave Mathews CD. She has started to sleep in the crib now and again and handles it well. More often than not though, she sleeps next to one of us on the diaper changing pad, which serves as her own private co-sleeper with raised sides. She can go through 6 diapers in 20 minutes depending on her stomach's condition. With Luke, she managed to pee in her own mouth once. He had her legs raised to wipe her bottom and at that moment, well, magic:) Yesterday, Lily and Grandma and I headed to a rainy River Hills Day garage sale event. She slept through the whole rainy time and woke up in the car to have one of her rare spit ups. I am experiencing parenting with such a different attitude this time around. I can see a time when Lily can spend the night away from me and it won't be as terrifying as it was with Quinn. Her brother was 2, maybe 3 when he first went on an overnight. Granted, it will be some time before she's ready to go that many hours way with the whole bottle deal, but it will happen and a part of me will welcome the chance to have a solo night again with Quinn. This past night, Quinn was with Chris and Sheryl and Lily went to bed late- as is her pattern- but she slept really well throughout the night and well into the morning. It's 11 now and she's still sleeping:) Sweet girl. Lily is often plagued by hiccups, poor girl. She has the typical baby acne and coming off of some hot days last week, she had some heat rash. In her baby plumpness she has the many folds around her neck and face. Her second chin is quite pronounced:) She has marvelous baby toes that look like tiny fingers. When she is still somewhat alert and not yet in deep sleep, her toes and fingers show it. Her toes curl or her fingers splay... it's all very cute. Loving my children and being there for them both is a full time job, but one I would not trade. The other day I remarked that all people should have the profound privilege of holding a baby in their arms while they sleep. The total trust and dependence in that moment is overwhelming and lovely. While there may be stress and issues in life that need attending to, you can't take yourself away from that zen moment with a baby.