My children are very different from one another. While they looking strikingly like the other, their personalities really vary. It has been a challenge for me to reconcile how different Lily is from the infant Quinn, especially because she needs new skills from me, aside from the ability to nurse. For Quinn, nursing was the answer to every dilemma. For comfort, to sleep, to eat... it all meant he loved to nurse and relaxed into it. Lily can kick her way through a whole nursing session and only does it because she knows she has to. If she's not hungry, she's not nursing, even if she's tense and tired. At night, she'll have a longer, more peaceful nurse, but I assume this is simply because she's already half asleep. If she has a bubble or gas, she'll refuse to eat until it's taken care of. Now, one one hand, Lily has taken a bottle several times and is a pro at it now. This means I have the freedom to leave the house and take care of non-Mommy business. On the other hand, I feel less needed and even when she does nurse, I don't necessarily feel wanted. My darling girl smiles and talks when we interact and I sing to her and this is a saving grace. Who ever thought my singing would be something that would yield such warm fuzzies:) Quinn continues to be on the children's version of an emotional roller coaster as he processes the changes to his life with a sister. Some days are really uneventful and others seem speckled with his struggle. We've gotten an aquatics pass for the city water parks and this activity helps, but it does contribute to the above dilemma of not feeling necessary to Lily. I can take Quinn swimming and he loves the one on one time with me, but if I've worked that morning at school, I roll right into the afternoon with little time with her. She does love a new toy we picked up at IKEA and is really fascinated with it. She's just so much more independent of me than her brother. Quinn could nurse for hours it seemed. I'm glad we kept Quinn in preschool for the summer even if he's arrived there on time maybe once. It is a nice consistency to his day, even if arrival varies. Yesterday I trucked down to my Mom's place so I could keep myself awake (Quinn wouldn't nap) and had dinner with her. Lily continues to find her somewhat disagreeable, for whatever reason and the poor girl is bound to hear that story from Grandma from years to come, like its personal or something:) Quinn loves watching Bolt recently and I admit that it's a pretty clever film, despite Miley Cyrus being a voice. Quinn persists in his diaper wearing and I am thankful that the pediatrician told me not to try anything with vigor until Lily was 6 months old because its just too much going on. His chatter continues to be very fun to listen to. He's very adept at setting a series of sequential objectives for us. "We'll go to school and then you'll pick me up and then we'll go to the shopping store and get my fruit snacks and then we'll come home and watch a movie, K?" Yesterday he chose to pack his own dinner to take to Grandma's. He didn't eat the dinner, but it was a cute act of independence (the packing, that is). He remains pretty laid back about clothes selection with only the occasional protest about what he's wearing. He LOVES his new tennies, a fabulous lime green and grey pair of North face shoes. He says they make it so he's faster and can jump higher and that's true. He's quite dapper in them. His knees and shins are a canvas for summer scrapes and bruises and he is largely unphased by them unless he happens to be tired and notices them once again. His love for elbows and ears continues, but mostly just in the sleepy, needy moments of the day. He does want me to sit with him and watch a movie, or watch him throw himself belly first onto the bed or ottoman or couch. He loves that leaping idea. He also likes to show me how he can step down from the ottoman. I've said it often enough that he identifies those actions as meaning he has strong legs or arms. Pretty cool. His reading of books is becoming more and more engaged. He has to know what's happening in the detail with the illustrations and he often takes the book from my hands now to study the picture and make sure it aligns with the words. Lily has been a trooper and a half with the house hunting and will head out on her third trip with Paul, Luke and I tomorrow morning to look at homes. We really like one on Blair but I can't let myself get lost in the desire in case the financing doesn't come through. It will be at the closing or in the days leading up to the closing that my heart will really start to race with the reality of it all. I'm working very hard at my new job and I keep telling myself when I have to leave the baby in the morning that it's for the family that I'm doing all of this. I don't know if its the second child thing or Lily specifically and her temperament, but I don't feel panic in leaving her for a bit. I was all nerves whenever I was away from Quinn as an infant and didn't spend a night away from him for 2-3 years. Now, I can go to work and while I have guilt- of course- I get through it. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I love my children very much-- both of them-- but if I want this house for them then I have to be good at my job so I keep it and the money comes in. I don't know when Luke will have a job again and I have to be the breadwinner-- and make good bread. Alright, better try and head back to bed before Lily wakes for her early morning feeding. Seriously, the girl gets up just twice the whole night! How wonderful and strange and amazing!

My daughter is all rolls and folds and a crooked smile when her head comes to read on her shoulder or mine. She has beautiful eyes and I spend lots of time holding her in front of the mirror so I can watch her peaceful little face. While she's been a bit more fussy lately, she is still nearly always calm in my arms. She is going through a phase where she wants to be held by Mom and Dad as opposed to others, but this seems normal to me developmentally. She now knows who we are and likes our presence. Everyone else seems like a stranger and that's reasonably alarming for an infant who craves safety and closeness. Quinn was away for the night with Nana and Papa and we'll meet up with them at Lee and Kris' after they go to the parade. Quinn has been a talking wonder lately and loves when I sing to him my made up songs like, "Quinn is jumping on the bed..." He is quite hilarious. He quoted his Dad yesterday describing his tent as "nice and cozy". He is making good progress is speech and we're being better about working with him on his homework. There are two more sessions of summer school and then he'll be home full-time for a bit. Last week he and I went to the public pool over at Minnehaha Park and I had a hoot watching his playful and carefree habits. He had with him his birthday present from June, these torpedo things for the water. He threw them into the water and a herd of kids gathered to chase them around. Some drama ensued among the kids who wanted in on Quinn's action, but my son was completely oblivious to it all and jumped around putting wet foot prints on the cement and using a rock bench of sorts to jump up with his hands propping him. So many times lately he wants to show us that he's hopping on one foot, or stepping down from the tall ottoman or trying to stretch his legs so he climbs two or three stairs at a time. In other news, he did earn his Commander Cody because he pooped in the potty. When he did that, however, he didn't have his penis tucked in and so he also peed also down his leg, soaking his sock and shoe. Yesterday, we made our seasonal trip to REI and purchased a new pair of outdoor shoes. They're quite cool looking and he was super pumped about their fit; this was a good thing considering he had walked into the store wanting Star Wars shoes and he came out light on his feet, able to run and leap faster:) Nachos are a new fun snack for Quinn. He still has a pretty narrow palate, but he eats enough healthy things periodically that we choose not to get stressed about it. We need to expand the family meal plan period, so I can't say Quinn is to blame for his culinary choices. He's not interested in trying new things, but we do our part in that we occasionally introduce new things.

Lily had learned the comfort of a lengthy nursing. She spent the first two months very practical about the whole thing and expedient. Now, she can relax into it and nurse for a bit. Her 5-6 hour sleep periods have for the last couple of days traded for 3-4 hours, but the joy of LUke putting her to bed every night is super awesome. She doesn't nurse herself to sleep in the evenings like her brother, so I have the freedom to put Quinn to bed, which I like very much. Luke and I had two meals out and about with each other this weekend and Lily was a pretty good date companion. Sweet girl. I find that I do like when she looks especially cute in a special outfit. With Quinn, I thought he looked dashing and adorable in anything-- what were my choices, anyway, but with Lily there are so many options out there-- like two distinct wardrobes. We'll see how this plays out over the years. Lily too really enjoys when I sing to her and she talks and talks with her lovely little voice. Her smile is so bright and her face so animated when we talk back and forth. Sometimes it seems almost like she's trying to sing with me and I have to hold myself back from interrupting her:)

So busy:) The world of house hunting and buying is quite intense and lately, mornings and mind power have all been devoted to this task. We're meeting with a second realtor tomorrow in search of a good match for our search. Then, we get to start looking at houses. On one hand, it's an ideal time for Luke to be home so we can do this together. On the other hand, we have definite financial needs that are coming to a head. With his unemployment done, we're in a pickle financially and it will make paying a mortgage impossible. Still, we forge ahead and pray that all will work out.

Lily is blessing us with long sleep sessions at night and is happy to have her father put her to sleep each night. For the first time today she had a really lengthy feeding, but otherwise, she is typically Miss Efficiency. Quinn had a series of lovely birthday celebrations starting with a great bash at Eagle's Nest with his preschool pals. It was a great celebration with the friends and parents-- and we timed things well with food and whatnot. Quinn has been catapulted into the Galactic Heroes series of Star Wars materials and likes them very much. This was compliments of Tony, one of his St. Kate's pals. He was also joined at the party by McCall, June, Luke, Max, ND, Owen and Ben. It was a super nice time. Sunday, Father's Day, was a day at Newell Park with the Edberg's and we had gorgeous weather and traipsed through Como Zoo and then back to the park for leftovers. Everyone had a nice time so we were glad that our hosting duties went well. On his actual day, we took him to see Toy Story 3 and had Noodles for dinner, his favorite. Yesterday was the final bash with the McCammon's and we got an ice cream cake from Izzy's, which was divine. All in all, I believe we rang in his new year with lots of attention and expense:) Still, the poor lad suffers somewhat now that Lily is here, though he does love her and has adjusted as well as we could have hoped. Our bed routine is pretty set now and that sort of predictability for him has to help. We've gone a week now without major protestation about going to school and that is a positive thing; before, i think he wanted to stay home with us and saw that Lily had that privilege. We're coming up on a long weekend for the 4th so we'll see what happens.

The kids had their respective appts. this week for 2 months and 4 years. Poor Quinn described his shot as sharp and was quite saddened by it. Lily also disliked her 3 shots and one oral vaccine. Her check up was smooth sailing and she's weighing in the the 94%. Quinn is also fit as a fiddle and making good progress. Unfortunately, she noticed issues in both his ears and his right eye so we're off to the specialists post haste. Of course, we'd be making these visits anyways because of my issues, but now we have some cause other than heredity. Uggh.

After re-reading some sections from the Sleep Book, I am newly invested in providing Lily with the understanding and routine that she needs to sleep well. Of course there's no schedule at this age, but we can build in some regularity to her world, as best as possible. I want her to be able to be out and about without worrying too much about her "schedule", but I also need her to got to sleep close to Quinn's bedtime, if possible. Respecting how she sleeps and how long it takes her to get into deep sleep has helped the past week or so and we've been rewarded with two 5 hour blocks of sleep the past two nights. She is also going to bed earlier. I am starting to be more aware of what to look for when she begins to tire and get cranky and I do my best to get her to a quiet space when she needs it. Quinn too is getting up closer to his normal sleep time and going to bed earlier than a week or so ago.

Quinn is still showing signs of needing Mom and Dad's presence and attention, which is normal. Yesterday, the first half of the day felt like I always had to say, "just one minute" or "hold on" and that made me feel terrible because it was always due to needing to do something for Lily. On the other end, Lily spends a decent amount of time in her little chairs or propped up, staring at moving objects or listening to music. She needs the quiet time, yes, but it does feel like both children need more than I can give at any given moment. With that said, I do try when I am having solo time with each of them to be as doting and attentive as possible. Sometimes, in Quinn's case, he just wants to know that I am here as a passive, but present part of his day.

I think we're coming to the end of Quinn's bout with hand, foot and mouth disease. We wrongly thought his swollen lip and reluctance to eat was about picking too much of his lip skin off or biting some part of his mouth, but he actually had terrible ulcerations in his mouth from the virus. We've spoiled him with food that is cool and easy on his mouth, but he is slowly but surely going back to his normal foods.

Quinn is saying I love you much more often lately and doing it without solicitation from me. He also can get quite upset with us and say things like, "I'm not your Mommy anymore" etc. He has this thing about whipping his stuffed animals around. On one hand, maybe this is supposed to be an ok expression of anger and frustration and I'd rather he hit toys than people, but it also seems somewhat disrespectful of his property and we want him to treat his things well. I know there are lessons and exceptions in this moment...

Lily has quite an emerging personality and likes to smile and laugh when doted on. Luke like to give her kisses and then make fun noises and he backs away and opens his mouth wide open. He has her trained to open her mouth wide like his when he backs away and makes the sound:) Lily continues to be a really easy bather and has no stress about it. She's got folds aplenty on her plump little figure and we try to get in there and keep her fresh:)

Quinn has become really agreeable and accepting of his morning routine. I suspect this is connected to feeling better but also to waking up on her own as opposed to us pressuring him to wake for school. To be clear, pressuring maybe overstates it a bit since both Luke and I know he's Luke's son when it comes to the morning and waking up. Both yesterday and today, Quinn woke up before me and waited patiently for me to rouse myself. When I finally decided to wake up and turned toward him, he smiled at me with bright eyes and said "good morning". I do like when things I do on a regular basis, like saying "good morning" and beginning the day happily, come back to me in his behavior. I know that the opposite will be true too, but I revel in his mimicking of positive behavior.

Now that the school year is officially over, I need to start thinking about planning for the new year in a way that will keep me sane. A part of me is even thinking of applying for a TOSA position to lead our school. It would be a great deal of work and change-- challenging me in many ways-- but it might mean less work at home and that could be just what I need in this new year. I think that most everything that the job entails I could learn, though certainly not all of it would be desirable. But, I could put my own spin on it. I will talk more with Caleb to see if it's even worth applying.

In the next couple of years I need to start the National Board Certification for Teachers. It will be a good experience to tighten up my pedagogy and keep me on my toes and the pay bumps will also be a good thing for the family. Alright, I better go and try to write a portion of this novel. The kids continue to make me happy and grateful for life. Walks down by the river with Lily in the past two days have been very centering. We go half way through Quinn's nap and it makes for some good down time for me and for Luke.

Next week I have the housing classes in the evenings and that should be plenty to set my mind racing. Still, a house or housing will happen and I have a job and i am grateful. My kids are well fed and content and Luke is a very good father. I must count my blessings every day!

She's been surrounded by more noise in these 6 weeks than I probably allowed Quinn to experience in the first year. She's been out and about in the world 10x more than her big brother. He was the picture of mellow. He ate and slept and looked divine. She eats, but fast and efficiently and even then, her leg might be kicking, she gets flooded out by milk and has to stop and burp... she's a very different child. In her moments of calm, which are not rare, she looks around curious at the world and is very engaged. She follows sounds, locks eyes with her Dad or I and makes cooing noises and imitates speech. She tries to push up on her feet now and again when being held, and likes to be held while listening to the lullabies Dave Mathews CD. She has started to sleep in the crib now and again and handles it well. More often than not though, she sleeps next to one of us on the diaper changing pad, which serves as her own private co-sleeper with raised sides. She can go through 6 diapers in 20 minutes depending on her stomach's condition. With Luke, she managed to pee in her own mouth once. He had her legs raised to wipe her bottom and at that moment, well, magic:) Yesterday, Lily and Grandma and I headed to a rainy River Hills Day garage sale event. She slept through the whole rainy time and woke up in the car to have one of her rare spit ups. I am experiencing parenting with such a different attitude this time around. I can see a time when Lily can spend the night away from me and it won't be as terrifying as it was with Quinn. Her brother was 2, maybe 3 when he first went on an overnight. Granted, it will be some time before she's ready to go that many hours way with the whole bottle deal, but it will happen and a part of me will welcome the chance to have a solo night again with Quinn. This past night, Quinn was with Chris and Sheryl and Lily went to bed late- as is her pattern- but she slept really well throughout the night and well into the morning. It's 11 now and she's still sleeping:) Sweet girl. Lily is often plagued by hiccups, poor girl. She has the typical baby acne and coming off of some hot days last week, she had some heat rash. In her baby plumpness she has the many folds around her neck and face. Her second chin is quite pronounced:) She has marvelous baby toes that look like tiny fingers. When she is still somewhat alert and not yet in deep sleep, her toes and fingers show it. Her toes curl or her fingers splay... it's all very cute. Loving my children and being there for them both is a full time job, but one I would not trade. The other day I remarked that all people should have the profound privilege of holding a baby in their arms while they sleep. The total trust and dependence in that moment is overwhelming and lovely. While there may be stress and issues in life that need attending to, you can't take yourself away from that zen moment with a baby.

The newest movie craze in our household is "The Fantastic Mr. Fox". Luke brought it home because of his affection for Wes Anderson films and Quinn adores it. Last night we had the end of the year picnic at Quinn's preschool. It was a nice time and we had really pleasant visits with Susan and John, our former mentor couple, and fellow parents to kids at St. Kate's. I dropped off invites to Quinn's preschool buddies today for his 4th birthday party. How wild to think that he will soon be 4. This is his first party with pals and I hope he will be a gracious host to all. We picked up two new Little Miss and Mr. books at Barnes today because Quinn is all about them lately. He continues to use the phrase "last morning" to refer to anything past tense and he also quotes the mail man who "told him" this, that and the other thing that is contrary to what Luke and I might say. For example, if I said that he needs to take a bath, the mail man has probably indicated to Quinn that he should not. Hilarious and odd. Quinn has a couple days off school now and then the summer session begins and he gets to do the bilingual program. Luke and I need to learn Spanish so we can converse with him. We should get a CD...

We checked out a townhouse today on Selby in the Cathedral Hill neighborhood, just down the street from the St. Paul Cathedral. It's 3 levels and has central ac, a dishwasher and an attached garage. I need to remind myself of those amenities when I start to think about the space issues and layout of the new place. Moving is so stressful. On a reliving and happy note, I received from retro pay from school that makes our life a bit more financially sound, and i am grateful for that.

Lily remains a joy to hold. She tries to prop her head up quite often and kicks with her legs to climb her way up her caretaker. She sits up happily, propped against someone or something. She is making good progress with lengthier bouts of sleep. Speaking of, since he just went down I should go to bed and catch as much of this window as possible.

Loving my children and Luke so very, very much.

A Moment in time

My son is a poor listener. He is nearly 4 and this is totally normal and a good reminder that I am infallible and perhaps not all that interesting to listen to, BUT, it can be infuriating. He thinks he is funny and he does not do it to be mean, but I do think he has a sense of how we respond if he pushes our buttons. Lily just kicked off her sock for the second time in the last minute.