After re-reading some sections from the Sleep Book, I am newly invested in providing Lily with the understanding and routine that she needs to sleep well. Of course there's no schedule at this age, but we can build in some regularity to her world, as best as possible. I want her to be able to be out and about without worrying too much about her "schedule", but I also need her to got to sleep close to Quinn's bedtime, if possible. Respecting how she sleeps and how long it takes her to get into deep sleep has helped the past week or so and we've been rewarded with two 5 hour blocks of sleep the past two nights. She is also going to bed earlier. I am starting to be more aware of what to look for when she begins to tire and get cranky and I do my best to get her to a quiet space when she needs it. Quinn too is getting up closer to his normal sleep time and going to bed earlier than a week or so ago.

Quinn is still showing signs of needing Mom and Dad's presence and attention, which is normal. Yesterday, the first half of the day felt like I always had to say, "just one minute" or "hold on" and that made me feel terrible because it was always due to needing to do something for Lily. On the other end, Lily spends a decent amount of time in her little chairs or propped up, staring at moving objects or listening to music. She needs the quiet time, yes, but it does feel like both children need more than I can give at any given moment. With that said, I do try when I am having solo time with each of them to be as doting and attentive as possible. Sometimes, in Quinn's case, he just wants to know that I am here as a passive, but present part of his day.

I think we're coming to the end of Quinn's bout with hand, foot and mouth disease. We wrongly thought his swollen lip and reluctance to eat was about picking too much of his lip skin off or biting some part of his mouth, but he actually had terrible ulcerations in his mouth from the virus. We've spoiled him with food that is cool and easy on his mouth, but he is slowly but surely going back to his normal foods.

Quinn is saying I love you much more often lately and doing it without solicitation from me. He also can get quite upset with us and say things like, "I'm not your Mommy anymore" etc. He has this thing about whipping his stuffed animals around. On one hand, maybe this is supposed to be an ok expression of anger and frustration and I'd rather he hit toys than people, but it also seems somewhat disrespectful of his property and we want him to treat his things well. I know there are lessons and exceptions in this moment...

Lily has quite an emerging personality and likes to smile and laugh when doted on. Luke like to give her kisses and then make fun noises and he backs away and opens his mouth wide open. He has her trained to open her mouth wide like his when he backs away and makes the sound:) Lily continues to be a really easy bather and has no stress about it. She's got folds aplenty on her plump little figure and we try to get in there and keep her fresh:)

Quinn has become really agreeable and accepting of his morning routine. I suspect this is connected to feeling better but also to waking up on her own as opposed to us pressuring him to wake for school. To be clear, pressuring maybe overstates it a bit since both Luke and I know he's Luke's son when it comes to the morning and waking up. Both yesterday and today, Quinn woke up before me and waited patiently for me to rouse myself. When I finally decided to wake up and turned toward him, he smiled at me with bright eyes and said "good morning". I do like when things I do on a regular basis, like saying "good morning" and beginning the day happily, come back to me in his behavior. I know that the opposite will be true too, but I revel in his mimicking of positive behavior.

Now that the school year is officially over, I need to start thinking about planning for the new year in a way that will keep me sane. A part of me is even thinking of applying for a TOSA position to lead our school. It would be a great deal of work and change-- challenging me in many ways-- but it might mean less work at home and that could be just what I need in this new year. I think that most everything that the job entails I could learn, though certainly not all of it would be desirable. But, I could put my own spin on it. I will talk more with Caleb to see if it's even worth applying.

In the next couple of years I need to start the National Board Certification for Teachers. It will be a good experience to tighten up my pedagogy and keep me on my toes and the pay bumps will also be a good thing for the family. Alright, I better go and try to write a portion of this novel. The kids continue to make me happy and grateful for life. Walks down by the river with Lily in the past two days have been very centering. We go half way through Quinn's nap and it makes for some good down time for me and for Luke.

Next week I have the housing classes in the evenings and that should be plenty to set my mind racing. Still, a house or housing will happen and I have a job and i am grateful. My kids are well fed and content and Luke is a very good father. I must count my blessings every day!

She's been surrounded by more noise in these 6 weeks than I probably allowed Quinn to experience in the first year. She's been out and about in the world 10x more than her big brother. He was the picture of mellow. He ate and slept and looked divine. She eats, but fast and efficiently and even then, her leg might be kicking, she gets flooded out by milk and has to stop and burp... she's a very different child. In her moments of calm, which are not rare, she looks around curious at the world and is very engaged. She follows sounds, locks eyes with her Dad or I and makes cooing noises and imitates speech. She tries to push up on her feet now and again when being held, and likes to be held while listening to the lullabies Dave Mathews CD. She has started to sleep in the crib now and again and handles it well. More often than not though, she sleeps next to one of us on the diaper changing pad, which serves as her own private co-sleeper with raised sides. She can go through 6 diapers in 20 minutes depending on her stomach's condition. With Luke, she managed to pee in her own mouth once. He had her legs raised to wipe her bottom and at that moment, well, magic:) Yesterday, Lily and Grandma and I headed to a rainy River Hills Day garage sale event. She slept through the whole rainy time and woke up in the car to have one of her rare spit ups. I am experiencing parenting with such a different attitude this time around. I can see a time when Lily can spend the night away from me and it won't be as terrifying as it was with Quinn. Her brother was 2, maybe 3 when he first went on an overnight. Granted, it will be some time before she's ready to go that many hours way with the whole bottle deal, but it will happen and a part of me will welcome the chance to have a solo night again with Quinn. This past night, Quinn was with Chris and Sheryl and Lily went to bed late- as is her pattern- but she slept really well throughout the night and well into the morning. It's 11 now and she's still sleeping:) Sweet girl. Lily is often plagued by hiccups, poor girl. She has the typical baby acne and coming off of some hot days last week, she had some heat rash. In her baby plumpness she has the many folds around her neck and face. Her second chin is quite pronounced:) She has marvelous baby toes that look like tiny fingers. When she is still somewhat alert and not yet in deep sleep, her toes and fingers show it. Her toes curl or her fingers splay... it's all very cute. Loving my children and being there for them both is a full time job, but one I would not trade. The other day I remarked that all people should have the profound privilege of holding a baby in their arms while they sleep. The total trust and dependence in that moment is overwhelming and lovely. While there may be stress and issues in life that need attending to, you can't take yourself away from that zen moment with a baby.

The newest movie craze in our household is "The Fantastic Mr. Fox". Luke brought it home because of his affection for Wes Anderson films and Quinn adores it. Last night we had the end of the year picnic at Quinn's preschool. It was a nice time and we had really pleasant visits with Susan and John, our former mentor couple, and fellow parents to kids at St. Kate's. I dropped off invites to Quinn's preschool buddies today for his 4th birthday party. How wild to think that he will soon be 4. This is his first party with pals and I hope he will be a gracious host to all. We picked up two new Little Miss and Mr. books at Barnes today because Quinn is all about them lately. He continues to use the phrase "last morning" to refer to anything past tense and he also quotes the mail man who "told him" this, that and the other thing that is contrary to what Luke and I might say. For example, if I said that he needs to take a bath, the mail man has probably indicated to Quinn that he should not. Hilarious and odd. Quinn has a couple days off school now and then the summer session begins and he gets to do the bilingual program. Luke and I need to learn Spanish so we can converse with him. We should get a CD...

We checked out a townhouse today on Selby in the Cathedral Hill neighborhood, just down the street from the St. Paul Cathedral. It's 3 levels and has central ac, a dishwasher and an attached garage. I need to remind myself of those amenities when I start to think about the space issues and layout of the new place. Moving is so stressful. On a reliving and happy note, I received from retro pay from school that makes our life a bit more financially sound, and i am grateful for that.

Lily remains a joy to hold. She tries to prop her head up quite often and kicks with her legs to climb her way up her caretaker. She sits up happily, propped against someone or something. She is making good progress with lengthier bouts of sleep. Speaking of, since he just went down I should go to bed and catch as much of this window as possible.

Loving my children and Luke so very, very much.

A Moment in time

My son is a poor listener. He is nearly 4 and this is totally normal and a good reminder that I am infallible and perhaps not all that interesting to listen to, BUT, it can be infuriating. He thinks he is funny and he does not do it to be mean, but I do think he has a sense of how we respond if he pushes our buttons. Lily just kicked off her sock for the second time in the last minute.

Ode to Edie

Had our 4 week post partum appt. with Edie today. How strange to think that this amazing woman who has helped our family develop and come to be won't be with us on a regular basis any longer. She was really appreciative of our thank you letter and hugged me when she left. She knows we intend to stop with two children, so it's not likely that we'll be seeing her any time soon. Still, she was a wonderful woman who was funny, light hearted, knowledgeable and a great fit for Luke and I. What a blessing she was to our whole family. Go midwives!

Dear Lily,

You're sleeping in the boppy right now and allowed me to take a marvy little nap AND shower all while we await your father's return with your brother from school. it was a smooth day in the Beck household as Quinn made it to school without a single breakdown and your father and I ran some necessary errands and returned home by 11:00 for the day. Dad and I got in some more Rescue Me episodes. We're on Season 4 right now and enjoying our Netflix wireless deal. If you grow up to love Denis Leary's humor or happen to have a really profane mouth, we'll know why. The mystery of how to properly cut an infant's finger nails remains and your poor little face shows scratches from my inability to get it right. I'm trying..

You remain impressive in your ability to cruise through diapers. We're going to try out diapers.com and see if we like the delivery service and if the discounts, coupons and "convenience" make it worth while. We've been spoiled by Quinn's pull up phase, where he will wear a diaper all day long without complaint. You are growing and growing, developing squeezable cheeks, arms and legs and I'll be excited to know your weight when we go to next week's appt. Tomorrow you will be three weeks old:)

Your Dad loves to imitate your sounds, give you kisses and hold you close. You had a stellar night of sleeping last night, giving me a 4 hour window! Your random alert sounds that signal that nothing is wrong continue. You took another bath last night with your brother in the tub. We set your tub in his, though he wishes you would just join him in the regular tub. You fall asleep during your baths and are incredibly relaxed by it all.

Alright, you're shifting about now, so I'll pick you up.

Loving you,
Mom

Dear Lily,

There is no greater joy than holding you or your brother in my arms. Even as my mind tells me to put you down and try to sleep, I ignore that impulse, kiss you again on the top of your head, put my cheek to your soft cheek and lean back against the pillows, holding you for a moment longer. Your face is so expressive and fun. Your cries can be shrill, but they are short lived. Your assortment of noises has your father making barn yard sounds in impersonation, though it is only with affection that he does so. You are proving to be so flexible and easy, making the adjustment for your father and I smooth. You travel with us to bring Quinn to school and have been shopping a half dozen times in your two short weeks of life:) Last night I held both you and your brother in my arms while reading the three Little Bears. For the past few nights, your brother has slept with us in the big bed while your father is in Quinn's bed. You don't make too much noise and Quinn has been able to sleep through our feedings. You are calmed by the nook, but we're trying not to overuse it because it fusses with your latch. You sleep soundly in your boppy, but we are learning that you like to make a sundry of small noises that do not mean that you are waking. You are also known for a louder, plee-like cry that does not indicate you are waking. Your small hands can be very active and at times you raise both arms above your head in a beautiful stretch. Your Dad is doing his duty and having you work on tummy time and neck strength. Nana was here yesterday for a short visit and shared that everyone was quite taken with you at the May birthday/Tink confirmation event. They think you are quite beautiful:) Your hair is thick and full, but likes to take on a sheen after just one day post bath. Most of this probably comes from the oil in our hands, as we are constantly holding or stroking your hair. Quinn is very attached to you and bathes you in his kisses. Sometimes that means kissing your head, your legs or your feet- he doesn't discriminate. He likes to hold you and tells you to calm down when you are sad or fussy. He is good about telling us to hold you if you are upset and has even offered you his nipple so that you could try and nurse from him. I am so proud of him for how wonderfully he has accepted you into the family;) Last night the family had breakfast for dinner and I sat in the living room nursing you watching Dad and son sit across from one another scarfing down eggs and pancakes and I was warmed by the normalcy of our life. You are such a lovely child and have made adding another member to our family to delightful. Loving you more each day and loving that feeling!