Quinn report

We were at Lee and Kris's for the fourth of july. After a short visit to the St. Peter parade where the rain forced us to leave early, we were off to the Edberg's for fun with the family. Quinn was thrilled as always to play with his cousins and he and Ethan sword fought with every bat or noodle or lightsaber around. We all went swimming and I was the resident lifeguard for the threesome. My sweet three year old was all blue lips and shivering, though he fought hard to stay in the water. Finally, he gave up and dug in the sand with Luke and later went on a pontoon ride where he quickly fell asleep leaning against Luke. One of my favorite moments from the day was when he picked up the hula hoop and instead of throwing it around his hips, he held it in his hands and turned around. An adorable interpretation of the act of hoola hooping (seems I can't agree on how to spell that activity) to be sure. I was chuckling madly. He and Ethan rolled and rolled around in the grass and once more, Ellie and Ethan drove Quinn around in their battery operated cars. Nana tried to teach Quinn to drive, but he was so intrigued by the pedal that he would forget to steer or look up:) Sweet boy. Per usual it was a fickle day of eating, but he did fairly well eating some apple, corn, his favorite chips (salt and pepper) and drinking water. He even had some bites of ham. All in all, pretty ok, though his critics (or rather, my critics) might disagree. Bobbi announced her pregnancy to the crowd and they are due February 20th I believe. She was eating pickles, which waa cute, and indulged in a nap-- a favorite part of being pregnant. Quinn miraculously stayed awake the whole ride home and crashed about 9. Maybe he'll see fireworks when he's 4:) His new thing is to carry around his medicine with him, which means carrying around the Melagel disk and having me put some on his recovered knee injuries. This morning we were snuggling and I was saying that I had to get up to go to work and he told me to "lay down Mommy. Just cuddle". He likes to turn on his side away from me and hold onto my arm and place one of my hands between his own. Incredibly sweet stuff. Lately, we're playing this cool body activity game with him that he got for his birthday from Toni. It has Eric Carle pictures on it and asks him to do particular actions. We bend our neck and knees, turn our hand, stomp our feet, etc. The best is when we have to raise our shoulders and Quinn's arms raise up too, making is a whole upper body action. He really likes wiggling his hips, though his movement is reminiscent of his mother's hip action:) Sweet boy. We're all about Madagascar lately and he calls is "gascar".

Misc. Quinn moments recorded

I wish we took more pictures of Quinn. I try to memorize his face, but I know my mind is flooded with so many glorious images of him-- and that it will continue to be- that there simply won't be space for the all the Quinn footage I would like to have stored in my mind. Like, for example, the way he looks when he determines that he is going to pretend pout. Or, the devious look he has when he is going to lick or bite you, staring into your eyes so we can see his evil plans:) The concentration on his face when he eats an ice cream cone and the slightly spaced out expression he gets when he is both tired and watching a movie. The way he swings his arms with fists gently clenched, ho-humming his way through life. The way he sayd "Rosey" and reaches for your arms and calls to the missing parent so we can all do ring around the rosey together. Lately, he's all about Madagascar. it started last week when he was watching the cartoon and we were headed out of town. In a burst of Quinn-shopping, I picked up the movie and then when we were out as a family on a Target run the other day we grabbed Madagascar 2. He can label his animals quite well. The other night we went down to the Mississippi River and Quinn and I ran and ran. Dad stayed with the stroller and walked along, with us yards ahead of him. Quinn discussed that there were obviously fish in the river, as well as turtles. He rode in his stroller on the way home and Luke and I talked about the abandoned building along Shepard Road that would make a cool school. Last night we were at Palace Park. Quinn is making really excellent strides in his climbing, thanks in large part to Luke's dedicated efforts to make him more independent and planful when it comes to ascending things. I think we'll probably spend the upcoming 4th with Luke's family at Lee and Kris'. We can hardly say no to an invite, especially since Quinn is so wickedly happy with Ethan and Ellie. At the recent birthday bash, Ellie drove the two of them around in her Barbie car, cranking on the reverse handle over and over so that they lurched back and forth hilariously. Quinn didn't mind at all being driven around by Ellie and she was a delightful driver. Quinn continues to enjoy his trips to Starbucks on Grand with his Dad for coffee. How fun. He loves his Oreos very much and has learned some different methods for rating them, inspired by watching his Dad open them and eat them in stages. Quinn and I went to the water park twice last week and had a delightful time. It was so warm/hot last week that it seemed the only thing to do. what a relief that this week has been cooler-- for the pocket book at least, not for the activity. This past Sunday we went canoeing and that was big fun. We stopped on the little island there and had our lunch. Quinn sat and ate his apple, dropping the first. The position of this little legs laying in the sand never shifted and his only movements involved bringing his apple to his mouth and picking up near by rocks to throw them into the water. Delightful boy. His cars life jacket is quite adorable on him.

UP

Last night we went to our first family movie together. It was one of those plans that I had set up in my head as an idyllic little adventure for the family, even though I hadn't quite laid out the details with such finesse. The day was busy from start to finish. I began my day early in the morning by helping Matt pack up his giant entertainment center to bring to the class garage sale at Grace's. Then, we were supposed to be off for Asha's, but since we were running late, we missed her. Andrew was there with a partially packed car we would need to drive over so I didn't rush. Then, Quinn, Matt and I stopped on Grand for a sticky bun, some "Coffee" and a trip to Creative Kids Stuff where everything in the store was 25% off. Wild. I picked up two Melissa and Doug food sets, a small sticker set for Lukey and some cool sand. Luke was only mildly annoyed about the sand since we don't have a sand or water table...

Yet:)

After our mini-trip down Grand, we headed over to Asha's and got things situated there. Mind you, Quinn and I have been on the go since before 8 and it's now nearly 10. We head over to Grace's as an entourage and then have to turn around and return Asha's car. I leave Quinn with Grace so he has some play time outside, drop off Matt at home and pick up Quinn. Now's it's 11:30. We head down to Cannon Falls for Lukey's party and Quinn gets an insufficient 20 minute nap, which leads to a break down at Carolyn's. After a couple hours visit there where my son ate nothing but corn chips, we headed home-- via Dairy Queen- and then to St. Paul. Quinn took a hearty nap, which meant we missed the Family Formation picnic, and then we were off to Rosedale. We couldn't commit to a dinner plan because Quinn was antsy and eventually we settled on pizza in the mall food court. Unfortunately, the movie was sold out and so we were in a panic about where to go. I didn't want the dream to die, Quinn wanted to go to the park and Luke did his best to keep his patience with me. After some slightly tense conversations, we ended up at the Inver Grove Theater which was blessedly NOT crowded and we sat in the very back row. Quinn wolfed down popcorn and Reese's and was a sweet little boy. After the very first Pixar short he wanted to go home, but we pushed through and he did quite well. We had to have a few pseudo nursing attempts, but by and large is was very fun and a sweet movie.

Today we have to head to Waseca for Tyler's graduation party. Gracious.

Quinn will be three years old in less than a month and I've not spent a single night away from him in all that time. For more than two years, I've slept beside my child, hearing him breathe and knowing with perfect certainty that he was safe- both next to me, in the next room or in my arms. I find that our time asleep is just as meaningful to me as our waking time. So, it comes as no surprise that I am awake right now, vexed by the most recent request for Quinn to sleep over with his grandparents. Logic tells me that the desire to spend time with Quinn is borne out of love and affection and not a need to take him "away" from me. I know this. I can tell me mind to listen to that common sense, but my heart sends a different message. My body and soul ache with worry that someone is going to be less kind or patient with Quinn than I would be. Someone will say something about me to Quinn that will change how he sees me or our relationship. Someone will chastize Quinn for any mention of me... when it's normal for him to want to see me within a 24 hour period because he doesn't know any different. Shouldn't I have the perogative to say that Quinn can't sleepover until he's done with nursing? Or, am I allowing my fear to guide my choices? Am I worried about being replaced and unncecessary? How did I get to this place? Luke shares with me that he is lonely and needs/wants more time with me. I hear him and want to honor and acknowledge/respond to that shared emotion, but my heart is so filled with Quinn that I don't know what to do. Without meaning to, my mind has convinced me that time or prioritizing my relationship with Luke can wait- even when I know that it can't and that thinking is poor. How will I provide financially for my family this summer? Do I think this is a good time to consider having a second child? How important to me is having another child? Will I ever be able to finish my capstone? Will I ever be out of debt? Will I ever be able to convince my student's to stop harming themselves? So much stress.

The materialism of this wedding is wearing on me. The amount of money Chris and sheryl can spend without any worry or care is frustrating to me and Sheryl's filter about expressing that freedom is vexing. She is not a bad person. She is very beloved by her family and that points to someone who is connected to family. She works hard at her job and is bright in that field. She's an excellent cook and homemaker and loves my brother. I don't know if it's her flightiness and privilege that bother me or her subtle classism... probably all of it. I worry that Chris will struggle with this marriage as well, though I don't worry that she would ever be unfaithful. Her mother is very sweet and kind and I believe that those caring traits will be a part of her motherhood. OUr family is so small and hers is so large. I just feel completely out of sorts. The make-up, hair, fancy spots for everything... it's all wild. Even her remarks about the cash bar are wild. Uggh. I need to remember that I am not marrying Sheryl and that Chris is very, very smart and obviously loves Sheryl very much. I wish that Chris and I were closer and that we had a more natural vibe with one another. Matt didn't even know he was the best man. What a weekend this will be!

Outside of 575 Jefferson is a small "hill" that leads from the small lawn area in front of the house to the driveway that is sunken a bit to the right of the house. Quinn uses this space as his slide and sits down and pushes his butt along the ground to the bottom of the small decline. Hilarious.

Quinn loves the notion of sword fighting or rather, light saber battles. Gracious. My poor finger got hit twice yesterday with his antics. We went on a short, but complicated walk yesterday. When I say short, I mean the distance covered away from the house. We did lots of back and forth directionally:) Someone on the lawn area next to the street had some landscaping around a tree and we went round and round it on the stones that squared off the tree. He likes to hop now, both forward on a small space and down. We've got him new Converse now, Size 9, with the low sides so we have fewer shoelace holes to maneuver. Quinn has a lovely new haircut and knows that Dad and Matt are both wearing tuxes for the wedding this weekend and that Quinn will wear one too. Quinn would like Mommy to wear one as well, but I told him I'm wearing a dress:) My son is nearly three. Yesterday when I was mentioning to Matt that my birthday was on Tuesday, Quinn said, "No, my birthday" so at least he's making connections. I'm going to enjoy this weekend and I'm looking forward to new family photos:)

I'm in the house right now and I can here my son and his father playing baseball outside. When I glance through the blinds, I see Quinn playing ball, the two of them communicating calmly and my son's face shining back at me. Being Quinn's mother is the most amazing thing ever and each day is an enormous blessing. I can't imagine how I lived before him-- or rather, I know such different kind of love and centeredness now that he is my son. I wish I could crystallize or freeze all of my moments with him. My memory is so very terrible and my penchant for taking photos is even worse. How can I live in the moment and at the same time, capture the moment? I love my son.