My son is extraordinary. He likes to use expressions like, "Hey Mom, can I tell you something" with such marvelous enthusiasm that I know this is how he has internalized his need to not interrupt. He wants to get permission to speak and is then unabashed in sharing things. He is profoundly observant and incredibly sweet. The other day we saw a very cute dog being walked and Quinn saw, "Aww, I wish my sister was here to see this". When I decided to take Lily to the gym with me last week, his concern for her was great, even though he was reluctant to join us-- he wanted to play with Dad:). He is sensitive and kind and has a very, very good character. I say that even as that statement triggers for me a reminder of one of his funny habits of late, which is to tell fibs. If I should, say, find a fruit snack wrapper somewhere and ask where he got it, he might tell me that Lily did. If I ask him if he brushed his teeth, he might smile with a bit of mischief and then say yes. So, he's a bit of a frequent fibber, but feels rightfully awful when we discipline him. For a while there, he and I had this great system of him having to complete pages in a phonics workbook before he watched tv. Then, I made the mistake of changing that to reading books for me (the BOB ones) but that created too much pressure and stress so I've backed off from it. We'll probably go back to pages:). He still loves shopping for books and currently wants a Sonic book. Sonic is all the rage here in the house. He likes to watch Sonic underground on Netfiix and draws all sorts of pictures of Sonic and Sonya and whoever else. He likes to write that he loves all of those characters. Pretty adorable. From school, he has certainly picked up the practice of drawing something and then writing about what you draw. I think it's smart that they're having kids visualize and illustrate. Lily just said ouch and put herself back to sleep. She is not a silent sleeper. She has active dreams and makes all sorts of quiet noise throughout the night. My mother ears won't let me sleep in the same room with her. Sometimes she comes to bed with me in the middle of the night or early morning after an epic and lengthy nurse, but mostly, she needs the crib. Don't get me wrong, when the two of them are curled into one another in this gorgeous ball of sibling love, I am pretty much in awe of how awesome they are, but as she's a mover, I don't want her to roll out. I do love the closeness between the two of them and even though they "argue" sometimes, as Quinn will describe, they are loving and sweet. Lily will do and try almost anything that Quinn will do. Tonight, when he had a big sneeze, she decided to force some coughs out and then looked at me and said, "Me sick". They love to run around the dinner table, Lily especially. She is walking with great force and emphasis now because she has new, slightly heavier and sturdier shoes on. Pretty freaking hilarious. She also chose to wear her new spring coat throughout almost the whole afternoon and evening. She is pretty stoked to have new shoes and a coat:). Lily walks with confidence and energy. She has fallen and scraped herself more than Quinn ever did, but she remains brave and ambitious. Her vocabulary and language is out of this world. She uses 3-4 word sentences on a regular basis and can use all sorts of words in combination and to describe. You honestly know what she needs about 95% of the time. She is still on the cusp of 2T and 24 month clothes, even as she nears her birthday. I know Quinn was wearing sizes well above his age:). She is petite and adorable. She has one outfit she loves to wear: flower jeans and her pink Quality chick shirt and both of them are very baggy and boxy. When she wears them she looks so odd and out of sorts-- but she loves it:). Lily is more particular about what she wears and insistent that she approve her clothes. She is thrilled to have two new pairs of pajamas and both of them have dogs on them. She remains an avid fan of dogs. Ok, must go to bed. Love my children with every single fiber of me. So many funny stories. Must write and write so no one forgets and so the kids can read these later:).

From 1/19/11

My daughter is crawling. She is extraordinary. She started off shifting forward just a bit and then would plop herself down on her bottom. She has this lovely way to sit with one leg half up and then the other tucked underneath her. For all her inexperience, she never topples backward. She has this incredible ability to stay balanced when her center of gravity is pretty close to the floor☺ Now, she likes to walk and walk with her hands grasping her parents or the closest adult. She enjoys when I roll my tongue and stick it out at her. She laughs when we laugh. She really likes when we chuckle. It’s adorable. She is growing like crazy and moving up and up in her sizes. Her routine for going to sleep is very ritualistic. Luke wraps her up in her red and black blanket and she puts her finger in her mouth and slowly allows her head to the side. Her poor little finger has a few sores on it because she so frequently sucks on it. I sing to her very often. We’ve set up the new foam floors in the office and in the kids room. Luke has allowed us to bring some toys upstairs so we have a set of toys in the office and her book box in the bedroom. Quinn continues to enjoy his evening routine of pillow nights and wrestling. He allows me to partake now and again, but mostly, Dad is the preferred sport. Quinn describes him as being the strong one. Quinn comes home with necklaces every day from school. He will often have three hanging from his neck when I come home from school. The poor lad can’t detetmine if he needs a nap or not each day. He can do incredibly well on some occasions and other days, can sleep for 3 hours. He likes to sleep with a variety of toys and he hides them under his pillow; you can fit a good dozen srae wars action figures under a single pillow☺. Quinn can fall asleep to Many Moons; Luke considers it the go-to book to get him down. We read the Wemmick book the other day and he now talks about being a wooden person. It was an interesting concept for him to pick up that they weren’t human, but instead they were wooden—he asks lots of questions lately about what’s happening in the pictures and how it connects to the text. I read to him from Ranger Rick the other day. It was fun to give him some non-fiction. Of course, he did not count that as part of our reading routine. At times, he likes to read to himself but when I suggested that to him after the chameleon article had nearly put me to sleep he said that I was the reader, not him. It looks like we’re going to go ahead with pre-school. Something tells me that he can move forward… it’s going to be scary, obviously, to set our little one on the path to k-12 education, but holding him back also seems not to honor where he’s at. It will be difficult to move beyond his safe space… having fear for him and him being fearless… My mom thinks that he could do it. I think that intellectually he could do it. My reservation was about the physical activity and the principal I chatted with from EXPO said that the playground is really open and about racing around without rules. As long as the judgement didn’t happen or social ostracization then I would be cool with it. It doesn’t seem like there will be a school that meets all the qualities I want for him, but I need to settle for the best possible package. Just writing about this makes me want to hurl—and also to tuck him under my arms and protect him from the world. Kindergarten might well be 11th grade for the overall significance.

Quinn came home from grandma’s today after a sleep over. With beauty and kindness, he loves his grandmother and accepts her wholly. I could wish to be so kind and accepting. He loves that the townhouse life means really high drifts of snow by grandma’s house. He doesn’t mind church with her and likes her church family friends, Kyle and Kyra. My daughter is crying while I type this even as her father tries to put her to sleep. I nursed her well and she should be good to go. The night time routine with Lily is interesting. The young one is not as actively preferential in the evening as Quinn was when he was a baby. He had to nurse to go to sleep.

Lily just had a series of bursts of energy. She helped to re-organize the videos downstairs. She loves puling herself up on things and is so confident and curious. She likes to hold herself up against the corners of doors. She loves to chew on items that make a crinkly sound. Quinn’s fruit snacks and granola bars are favorites for them both. Lily likes to eat fresh fruit and she is wildly curious and jealous of the food that we can eat that she cannot. The pasy few nights she has been all about eating a big meal before she goes to bed. Sadly, this hasn’t translated yet into sleeping the night through. I imagine that this will take until the summer, but making predictions about Lily is a bit silly. She exceeds my expectations all of the time and is enduring to the end. She is durable and forgiving. She deals with Quinn’s “affection” really well and doesn’t get too fed up. I’m not sure if this will last for always because she may want to claim some of the toys he will not currently share with her☺. She got the toy room door closed in her face, albeit gently today, because Quinn wanted to keep her away. To be fair, with the thousands of legos in that room, it represents a choking hazard to the extreme. We have yet to baby proof things really well, but are sticking with observation as the key. She can easily pull herself up and can crawl a goodly distance so we can’t assume anything and can’t leave her alone. She has a really magnificent smile.

My son likes to cuddle a great deal. He likes to he held close. The other night, after going without Mom attention for a bit, Quinn was all about grabbing ears. He had to go beyond his elbow affection☺. The boy loves his Ritz crackers, by the way. We know that he’s never going to eat the cheese in his lnchable and that’s cool because it’s not very cheese-like.

My son’s little toes are still more adorable than I can say. Lily has small little feet and are adorable and perfect. Baby feet may be the most amazing things ever. Her fingers are so long; her tummy is soft, her arms a beautiful puggy. I wish my memory would allow me to hold the pictures in my mind of holding these precious babies in my arms. They are exquisite in their happiness, in their innocence and in their love for luke and I. Being a Mom to them and seeing how they need and love me—those are the most important things in life. My children are incredible blessings to me. They ground me and show me at my most vulnerable, my best and my worst. I spoke with cutting to Quinn today. I spoke with him with impatience. I wish I had all of my energies times 2

Luke and Juliet were over today with their parents Carolyn and Chris. It was actually a lovely visit and fun to see the kids running around. It was further proof that having additional children would be dizzying, but the kids playing together actually provides some freedom for adult conversation. We did the breakfast thing for lunch and enjoyed the Star Wars pancakes and two lbs. of baacon☺ Lily had her first bacon today☺ she liked it, as is the family way. The two guys are outside shoveling right now. I love Quinn’s desire to be outside helping, even if his shoveling is less precise and helpful than he thinks☺ The point is he’s out there with his Dad and wants to help. The kids did pretty alright today getting along. Quinn had some sharing challenges and Luke had some leaving challenges. The fellas are still outside shoveling. My son is still adorable in his winter cap from Nana. She bought it for him when he was two and it still fits his funny little head.

Lily is laying under her IKEA toy. She's grown so much lately that she can firmly hold the hanging toys in her hands. Her legs kick and tense themselves as she engages. Nursing with Lily is such a funny experience. She stops often to turn her head and examine the world. She's just as likely to stop, just so she can look up at me and make eye contact, smiling as her eyes follow me. She's talking a ton right now, gabbing enthusiastically. She's wearing 6-9 month clothes and we're trying to navigate the changing seasons. She speaks in long phrases and sentences, with expressive grunts and enthusiasm. She has an easy smile each time I come home from work. I have to work for smiles a bit harder when she's sleep deprived. She does love her Daddy but she seems at ease with me, despite my long hours at work. She has never had a tense bath that I can think of. She remains a marvel when it comes to bed time and turning to her side and sucking her finger. She loves to grab her toes now. Sometimes, Luke will prop her up and she sits forward, reaching. She's toppled forward a couple times, but she always seems moving forward, quickly. Luke worries a bit that she will be the type to skip crawling altogether. We discuss how Quinn has his father's temperament and might well be cool with B's, even when capable of A's, but that Lily will be driven and intense, like her mother. Who knows how much of this is authentic evaluation of our children and how much we're projecting. Either way, we love them as they are.

"That was so close"
"Good job guys"
"I have an idea!"

Quinny is standing on the blue nursing pillow and working on his balance, alternately saying, "Whoa, Whooa, Whoa!!" He's wearing the tops to his buzz light year pajamas and playing with this Star Wars Legos. We recently returned from a trip to Le Sueur where Father and Son raided the cubby hole and brought back with them a fleet of new SW toys, including tapes and books. Fortunately, Luke was able to find the recordings on line as the tapes were in sad shape. Quinn enjoys listening to the stories and turning the pages when he hears the beep beep of R2D2.

This morning Lily, Quinn and I were snuggling in the big bed and Quinn asked us all to hug one another. And then, with his head tucked against his little sister, Quinn reported that "we have the best family ever!"

My son is delightfully tall. I see him laying on the bed upstairs for his afternoon nap and he's more than half the length of the bed. His long, thin legs are so wonderful to watch as he runs. Yesterday we ran together to the park, along with Kate, the daughter of Shane, the friend of Luke's from high school that I am encouraging to apply for the CAHS position. Quinn talks so very much and I love the sound of his voice. He has so many directions to give, insights to offer and these statements might be punctuated with a line like: "that's the point, Mom". He continues to be very devoted to his Mother and can be quite devastated if I ever have to scold him or yell. Even if I don't yell, he approximates the experience of being reprimanded by me as being "yelled" at and he sobs quite terribly. Poor boy.

Lily has such a define little personality, intense and adorable. She continues to sleep well (knock on wood) at night and also continues her pattern of not sleeping for lengthy naps during the day. She has developed unhappiness around strangers and this has created some complexes among the grandmothers. But, my mom was patient with her today and has had a better time of it with her. We also think it has to do with scents and she has a response to strong ones.

Luke may be on the cusp of something great professionally, in partnership with his mother. I almost can't let myself feel the joy of two paychecks once again because that might mean dealing with the stress of the past year and that's something I have deeply compartmentalized. The new job causes me both stress and joy. I had two successful intakes the other day and at the same time, feel like I am always waiting for permission or guidance when I would rather have autonomy to make decisions for myself. But, this is what the job is and I will learn to be patient and smart about bringing decisions to the powers that be. If they don't know about it, perhaps that is all the better, right?

Quinn and I have been romping together at the Great River Water Park pool, much to his delight. He loves to throw himself forward into the water, even if it means some bruised knees. He also loves to b thrown, swung back and forth to a one-two-three count and then sent splashing into the water. He's quite adorable to watch enthusiastically imitating some sort of dog paddle. He loves the little slides there and revels in the open space. He also likes the outdoor pool at HIghland, but not quite so much as the indoor spot. I like not having to lather up in serious sunblock. As I've purchased the Aquatics pass, we'll be swimming often to make that money worthwhile.

Life is chaotic and busy. My work at the new job is keeping me forever thinking and doing. Yesterday I had my Campus training, did lots of correspondence, made calls, etc. Gracious! It's so surreal to me that my maternity leave is hardly one at all. That first month I did center on Lily and little much of anything else aside from the family. But, about mid-June, the pace of life just accelerated and hasn't slowed. We've found a house and signed a purchase agreement. That was a chore and a half to cart poor Lily from house to house in the mornings. When we weren't doing that, I've been taking meetings almost every morning so I can connect with staff and get rolling in my new digs. It's difficult for me to imagine myself in charge of the school but I am hopeful I can do it well. I've connected with the majority of the staff and will be patient with those who are still not engaging.

Lily continues to prove that her personality it very different from her brother's. She can be very intense when it comes to being sleepy and not wanting to drift off. She will not nurse herself to sleep 9 times out of 10 and she won't relax into nursing unless she's really hungry. Otherwise, she'll snack and then develop a bubble and be very upset. There are methods to caring for her though and they simply require more heavy lifting than Luke or I was used to with Quinn.

We're working on the Cars for Poop project right now and if Quinn goes in the potty he gets a new Cars car. It's turning out to be an expensive project to support, but I hope it works. The star wars project was a total wash since we had set it up to be too complex. Then, we just ended up giving him the legos for small markers, even though the cost of the set was high. We went to lunch yesterday at S. Clair broiler and then walked down to Peapod. Gracious, that's a dangerous store. They have so many cool kids toys and items. Lily got herself a beautiful wooden rattle and Quinn walked away with the Melissa and Doug cookie set, as well as a set of placemats for the table.

Quinn continues to have a nightly waffle and fruit snack. It turns out he'll eat oranges and strawberries, but only at school. Quinn is back in vacation bible school with Grandma this week and made me a sheep and for the first time seemed to indicate that it was for me. When I walked into the classroom yesterday to pick him up he was really sweetly and with great focus, playing with Noah's ark. Cute. We are listening to his cd quite often and no one can get the SonQuest songs our of their head.

Lily has striped her poor little head with bald spots due to her swinging hands. When she stirs or gets tired, she swipes her hands against her head and its caused some bald spots. It looks almost like she's divided her head into two parts- top and bottom. Funny little girl. She likes to hold toys now and enjoys the little dragon fly from her chair. She loves to stare at the IKEA fish we have hanging from the fan and she likes the wooden frame dealio we got at IKEA the other week. She loves to talk and jibber jabber and is an enthusiastic kicker. There are very few nursing sessions where her legs actually stop moving. The night nurses are the most relaxing as she will actually lay still and snuggle next to me. Lily loves when I sing to her and more often than not, when I approach her for the first look or moment, she brightens and smiles when she sees me. She is certainly growing and putting on weight, but not too terribly. She is good about standing up with our help and LUke has recently started popping her in the boppy chair. I'm doing all I can to pump and have bottles ready. I'm not ahead by much more than a bottle at a time so I need to work really vigilantly on that for the school year. She takes a bottle beautifully though without any complaint and Luke has started to crave the simplicity of that. For me, however, if I'm here, I'm not going to give up to the bottle. She's already a huge fan of her nook and needs that to settle into sleep.

Quinn had a major meltdown yesterday when we came back from errands after picking him up from school. He wanted to watch a movie, I expect, and we said no because it was time for a nap. He threw his Sheriff car and we took it from him. He was devastated and worked himself into quite a tearful state. Luke worked with him, as I had to feed the Lilster, who was committing in her usual noncommittal fashion to the meal, and he wanted Quinn to be calm when he saw me-- as he wanted me. When he gets into that breathless hyperventilating state Luke does his best to model breathing and to get him to calm down. I held Quinn a very long time and we talked together. It can really devastate the poor lad when he perceives me to be angry with him or having yelled at him, sensitive soul. Ok, must sleep. More later.

Oh, the joys and heart ache of parenthood. Quinn was back in this week to see Sekhon to check on his ears. She also did a full check of reflexes and the works. She detected a tightness in one of his ankle cords and in cooperation with his speech and low muscle concerns, she believes its possible that he has a very mild case of cerebral palsy. The news was very alarming to me, even as Luke did his best to express that Sekhon said this was not something to worry about. But, when you look online, the reasons for this occurring all point to some role I had to play in Quinn's life, active or otherwise. Did the long labor, which caused his torticollis, bring on this condition? Did something go amiss while he grew in my belly? Uggh. I look at this phenomenal little man who I adore with everything in me and I don't want him to have any more physical challenges. So, we're off to Gilette's Hospital for a consultation and hopefully we'll learn more-- including news that he does not have CP. His speech therapist says he's made good progress and has the sounds he needs for when he's 5 and 6 and 7, but doesn't have the K and G sounds he is meant to have at age 4. We're up for evaluation for HP coverage and she's going to lobby for more time. The CP would likely result in physical therapy sessions. Ah, the sweet world of co-pays.

Poor Lily had a terrible cold this week and had quite the runny nose, cough and sneezing fit. We had a very active weekend though and so that may have lowered her defenses. She's come out of it well though and seems to have turned the corner. Yesterday she had a really good visit with Matthea while Luke and I were out looking at houses. She is doing so very well holding objects and likes in particular her dragon fly from the bouncy chair. She also loves watching her black and white rattle and will hold it herself. Lily continues to get up twice a night and Luke and I have a good system in place for us all. She engaged in some longer, more relaxed nursing this week while she was ill and I confess that it felt like some quality bonding to help her to feel more comfortable and improve her health. Of course, now she's back to more abbreviated feedings and loves to kick while nursing, which is so NOT relaxing to me as I try and make sure she doesn't catapult herself off the pillow. She continue to be a total pro when it comes to the bottle and that sort of freedom and responsibility for me is odd. I struggle to find time to calmly pump and every ounce seems like gold to me. With only a month left of summer, I've got to get a collection going so that she'll be ok when I return to school. Alright, must get ready for Paul's visit this morning to write up our offer on the Benson place.

more later.

Antics at the river with Quinn
OUr first playdate with McCall at our place
Quinn and Dad wrestling
Quinn's bummer carpet burn
More fun at the pool and lake
Lily bumping up into 6 mo onesies.
Lily watching her fish and the new IKEA toy
Lily likes my singing

My children are very different from one another. While they looking strikingly like the other, their personalities really vary. It has been a challenge for me to reconcile how different Lily is from the infant Quinn, especially because she needs new skills from me, aside from the ability to nurse. For Quinn, nursing was the answer to every dilemma. For comfort, to sleep, to eat... it all meant he loved to nurse and relaxed into it. Lily can kick her way through a whole nursing session and only does it because she knows she has to. If she's not hungry, she's not nursing, even if she's tense and tired. At night, she'll have a longer, more peaceful nurse, but I assume this is simply because she's already half asleep. If she has a bubble or gas, she'll refuse to eat until it's taken care of. Now, one one hand, Lily has taken a bottle several times and is a pro at it now. This means I have the freedom to leave the house and take care of non-Mommy business. On the other hand, I feel less needed and even when she does nurse, I don't necessarily feel wanted. My darling girl smiles and talks when we interact and I sing to her and this is a saving grace. Who ever thought my singing would be something that would yield such warm fuzzies:) Quinn continues to be on the children's version of an emotional roller coaster as he processes the changes to his life with a sister. Some days are really uneventful and others seem speckled with his struggle. We've gotten an aquatics pass for the city water parks and this activity helps, but it does contribute to the above dilemma of not feeling necessary to Lily. I can take Quinn swimming and he loves the one on one time with me, but if I've worked that morning at school, I roll right into the afternoon with little time with her. She does love a new toy we picked up at IKEA and is really fascinated with it. She's just so much more independent of me than her brother. Quinn could nurse for hours it seemed. I'm glad we kept Quinn in preschool for the summer even if he's arrived there on time maybe once. It is a nice consistency to his day, even if arrival varies. Yesterday I trucked down to my Mom's place so I could keep myself awake (Quinn wouldn't nap) and had dinner with her. Lily continues to find her somewhat disagreeable, for whatever reason and the poor girl is bound to hear that story from Grandma from years to come, like its personal or something:) Quinn loves watching Bolt recently and I admit that it's a pretty clever film, despite Miley Cyrus being a voice. Quinn persists in his diaper wearing and I am thankful that the pediatrician told me not to try anything with vigor until Lily was 6 months old because its just too much going on. His chatter continues to be very fun to listen to. He's very adept at setting a series of sequential objectives for us. "We'll go to school and then you'll pick me up and then we'll go to the shopping store and get my fruit snacks and then we'll come home and watch a movie, K?" Yesterday he chose to pack his own dinner to take to Grandma's. He didn't eat the dinner, but it was a cute act of independence (the packing, that is). He remains pretty laid back about clothes selection with only the occasional protest about what he's wearing. He LOVES his new tennies, a fabulous lime green and grey pair of North face shoes. He says they make it so he's faster and can jump higher and that's true. He's quite dapper in them. His knees and shins are a canvas for summer scrapes and bruises and he is largely unphased by them unless he happens to be tired and notices them once again. His love for elbows and ears continues, but mostly just in the sleepy, needy moments of the day. He does want me to sit with him and watch a movie, or watch him throw himself belly first onto the bed or ottoman or couch. He loves that leaping idea. He also likes to show me how he can step down from the ottoman. I've said it often enough that he identifies those actions as meaning he has strong legs or arms. Pretty cool. His reading of books is becoming more and more engaged. He has to know what's happening in the detail with the illustrations and he often takes the book from my hands now to study the picture and make sure it aligns with the words. Lily has been a trooper and a half with the house hunting and will head out on her third trip with Paul, Luke and I tomorrow morning to look at homes. We really like one on Blair but I can't let myself get lost in the desire in case the financing doesn't come through. It will be at the closing or in the days leading up to the closing that my heart will really start to race with the reality of it all. I'm working very hard at my new job and I keep telling myself when I have to leave the baby in the morning that it's for the family that I'm doing all of this. I don't know if its the second child thing or Lily specifically and her temperament, but I don't feel panic in leaving her for a bit. I was all nerves whenever I was away from Quinn as an infant and didn't spend a night away from him for 2-3 years. Now, I can go to work and while I have guilt- of course- I get through it. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I love my children very much-- both of them-- but if I want this house for them then I have to be good at my job so I keep it and the money comes in. I don't know when Luke will have a job again and I have to be the breadwinner-- and make good bread. Alright, better try and head back to bed before Lily wakes for her early morning feeding. Seriously, the girl gets up just twice the whole night! How wonderful and strange and amazing!

My daughter is all rolls and folds and a crooked smile when her head comes to read on her shoulder or mine. She has beautiful eyes and I spend lots of time holding her in front of the mirror so I can watch her peaceful little face. While she's been a bit more fussy lately, she is still nearly always calm in my arms. She is going through a phase where she wants to be held by Mom and Dad as opposed to others, but this seems normal to me developmentally. She now knows who we are and likes our presence. Everyone else seems like a stranger and that's reasonably alarming for an infant who craves safety and closeness. Quinn was away for the night with Nana and Papa and we'll meet up with them at Lee and Kris' after they go to the parade. Quinn has been a talking wonder lately and loves when I sing to him my made up songs like, "Quinn is jumping on the bed..." He is quite hilarious. He quoted his Dad yesterday describing his tent as "nice and cozy". He is making good progress is speech and we're being better about working with him on his homework. There are two more sessions of summer school and then he'll be home full-time for a bit. Last week he and I went to the public pool over at Minnehaha Park and I had a hoot watching his playful and carefree habits. He had with him his birthday present from June, these torpedo things for the water. He threw them into the water and a herd of kids gathered to chase them around. Some drama ensued among the kids who wanted in on Quinn's action, but my son was completely oblivious to it all and jumped around putting wet foot prints on the cement and using a rock bench of sorts to jump up with his hands propping him. So many times lately he wants to show us that he's hopping on one foot, or stepping down from the tall ottoman or trying to stretch his legs so he climbs two or three stairs at a time. In other news, he did earn his Commander Cody because he pooped in the potty. When he did that, however, he didn't have his penis tucked in and so he also peed also down his leg, soaking his sock and shoe. Yesterday, we made our seasonal trip to REI and purchased a new pair of outdoor shoes. They're quite cool looking and he was super pumped about their fit; this was a good thing considering he had walked into the store wanting Star Wars shoes and he came out light on his feet, able to run and leap faster:) Nachos are a new fun snack for Quinn. He still has a pretty narrow palate, but he eats enough healthy things periodically that we choose not to get stressed about it. We need to expand the family meal plan period, so I can't say Quinn is to blame for his culinary choices. He's not interested in trying new things, but we do our part in that we occasionally introduce new things.

Lily had learned the comfort of a lengthy nursing. She spent the first two months very practical about the whole thing and expedient. Now, she can relax into it and nurse for a bit. Her 5-6 hour sleep periods have for the last couple of days traded for 3-4 hours, but the joy of LUke putting her to bed every night is super awesome. She doesn't nurse herself to sleep in the evenings like her brother, so I have the freedom to put Quinn to bed, which I like very much. Luke and I had two meals out and about with each other this weekend and Lily was a pretty good date companion. Sweet girl. I find that I do like when she looks especially cute in a special outfit. With Quinn, I thought he looked dashing and adorable in anything-- what were my choices, anyway, but with Lily there are so many options out there-- like two distinct wardrobes. We'll see how this plays out over the years. Lily too really enjoys when I sing to her and she talks and talks with her lovely little voice. Her smile is so bright and her face so animated when we talk back and forth. Sometimes it seems almost like she's trying to sing with me and I have to hold myself back from interrupting her:)

So busy:) The world of house hunting and buying is quite intense and lately, mornings and mind power have all been devoted to this task. We're meeting with a second realtor tomorrow in search of a good match for our search. Then, we get to start looking at houses. On one hand, it's an ideal time for Luke to be home so we can do this together. On the other hand, we have definite financial needs that are coming to a head. With his unemployment done, we're in a pickle financially and it will make paying a mortgage impossible. Still, we forge ahead and pray that all will work out.

Lily is blessing us with long sleep sessions at night and is happy to have her father put her to sleep each night. For the first time today she had a really lengthy feeding, but otherwise, she is typically Miss Efficiency. Quinn had a series of lovely birthday celebrations starting with a great bash at Eagle's Nest with his preschool pals. It was a great celebration with the friends and parents-- and we timed things well with food and whatnot. Quinn has been catapulted into the Galactic Heroes series of Star Wars materials and likes them very much. This was compliments of Tony, one of his St. Kate's pals. He was also joined at the party by McCall, June, Luke, Max, ND, Owen and Ben. It was a super nice time. Sunday, Father's Day, was a day at Newell Park with the Edberg's and we had gorgeous weather and traipsed through Como Zoo and then back to the park for leftovers. Everyone had a nice time so we were glad that our hosting duties went well. On his actual day, we took him to see Toy Story 3 and had Noodles for dinner, his favorite. Yesterday was the final bash with the McCammon's and we got an ice cream cake from Izzy's, which was divine. All in all, I believe we rang in his new year with lots of attention and expense:) Still, the poor lad suffers somewhat now that Lily is here, though he does love her and has adjusted as well as we could have hoped. Our bed routine is pretty set now and that sort of predictability for him has to help. We've gone a week now without major protestation about going to school and that is a positive thing; before, i think he wanted to stay home with us and saw that Lily had that privilege. We're coming up on a long weekend for the 4th so we'll see what happens.

The kids had their respective appts. this week for 2 months and 4 years. Poor Quinn described his shot as sharp and was quite saddened by it. Lily also disliked her 3 shots and one oral vaccine. Her check up was smooth sailing and she's weighing in the the 94%. Quinn is also fit as a fiddle and making good progress. Unfortunately, she noticed issues in both his ears and his right eye so we're off to the specialists post haste. Of course, we'd be making these visits anyways because of my issues, but now we have some cause other than heredity. Uggh.

After re-reading some sections from the Sleep Book, I am newly invested in providing Lily with the understanding and routine that she needs to sleep well. Of course there's no schedule at this age, but we can build in some regularity to her world, as best as possible. I want her to be able to be out and about without worrying too much about her "schedule", but I also need her to got to sleep close to Quinn's bedtime, if possible. Respecting how she sleeps and how long it takes her to get into deep sleep has helped the past week or so and we've been rewarded with two 5 hour blocks of sleep the past two nights. She is also going to bed earlier. I am starting to be more aware of what to look for when she begins to tire and get cranky and I do my best to get her to a quiet space when she needs it. Quinn too is getting up closer to his normal sleep time and going to bed earlier than a week or so ago.

Quinn is still showing signs of needing Mom and Dad's presence and attention, which is normal. Yesterday, the first half of the day felt like I always had to say, "just one minute" or "hold on" and that made me feel terrible because it was always due to needing to do something for Lily. On the other end, Lily spends a decent amount of time in her little chairs or propped up, staring at moving objects or listening to music. She needs the quiet time, yes, but it does feel like both children need more than I can give at any given moment. With that said, I do try when I am having solo time with each of them to be as doting and attentive as possible. Sometimes, in Quinn's case, he just wants to know that I am here as a passive, but present part of his day.

I think we're coming to the end of Quinn's bout with hand, foot and mouth disease. We wrongly thought his swollen lip and reluctance to eat was about picking too much of his lip skin off or biting some part of his mouth, but he actually had terrible ulcerations in his mouth from the virus. We've spoiled him with food that is cool and easy on his mouth, but he is slowly but surely going back to his normal foods.

Quinn is saying I love you much more often lately and doing it without solicitation from me. He also can get quite upset with us and say things like, "I'm not your Mommy anymore" etc. He has this thing about whipping his stuffed animals around. On one hand, maybe this is supposed to be an ok expression of anger and frustration and I'd rather he hit toys than people, but it also seems somewhat disrespectful of his property and we want him to treat his things well. I know there are lessons and exceptions in this moment...

Lily has quite an emerging personality and likes to smile and laugh when doted on. Luke like to give her kisses and then make fun noises and he backs away and opens his mouth wide open. He has her trained to open her mouth wide like his when he backs away and makes the sound:) Lily continues to be a really easy bather and has no stress about it. She's got folds aplenty on her plump little figure and we try to get in there and keep her fresh:)

Quinn has become really agreeable and accepting of his morning routine. I suspect this is connected to feeling better but also to waking up on her own as opposed to us pressuring him to wake for school. To be clear, pressuring maybe overstates it a bit since both Luke and I know he's Luke's son when it comes to the morning and waking up. Both yesterday and today, Quinn woke up before me and waited patiently for me to rouse myself. When I finally decided to wake up and turned toward him, he smiled at me with bright eyes and said "good morning". I do like when things I do on a regular basis, like saying "good morning" and beginning the day happily, come back to me in his behavior. I know that the opposite will be true too, but I revel in his mimicking of positive behavior.

Now that the school year is officially over, I need to start thinking about planning for the new year in a way that will keep me sane. A part of me is even thinking of applying for a TOSA position to lead our school. It would be a great deal of work and change-- challenging me in many ways-- but it might mean less work at home and that could be just what I need in this new year. I think that most everything that the job entails I could learn, though certainly not all of it would be desirable. But, I could put my own spin on it. I will talk more with Caleb to see if it's even worth applying.

In the next couple of years I need to start the National Board Certification for Teachers. It will be a good experience to tighten up my pedagogy and keep me on my toes and the pay bumps will also be a good thing for the family. Alright, I better go and try to write a portion of this novel. The kids continue to make me happy and grateful for life. Walks down by the river with Lily in the past two days have been very centering. We go half way through Quinn's nap and it makes for some good down time for me and for Luke.

Next week I have the housing classes in the evenings and that should be plenty to set my mind racing. Still, a house or housing will happen and I have a job and i am grateful. My kids are well fed and content and Luke is a very good father. I must count my blessings every day!

She's been surrounded by more noise in these 6 weeks than I probably allowed Quinn to experience in the first year. She's been out and about in the world 10x more than her big brother. He was the picture of mellow. He ate and slept and looked divine. She eats, but fast and efficiently and even then, her leg might be kicking, she gets flooded out by milk and has to stop and burp... she's a very different child. In her moments of calm, which are not rare, she looks around curious at the world and is very engaged. She follows sounds, locks eyes with her Dad or I and makes cooing noises and imitates speech. She tries to push up on her feet now and again when being held, and likes to be held while listening to the lullabies Dave Mathews CD. She has started to sleep in the crib now and again and handles it well. More often than not though, she sleeps next to one of us on the diaper changing pad, which serves as her own private co-sleeper with raised sides. She can go through 6 diapers in 20 minutes depending on her stomach's condition. With Luke, she managed to pee in her own mouth once. He had her legs raised to wipe her bottom and at that moment, well, magic:) Yesterday, Lily and Grandma and I headed to a rainy River Hills Day garage sale event. She slept through the whole rainy time and woke up in the car to have one of her rare spit ups. I am experiencing parenting with such a different attitude this time around. I can see a time when Lily can spend the night away from me and it won't be as terrifying as it was with Quinn. Her brother was 2, maybe 3 when he first went on an overnight. Granted, it will be some time before she's ready to go that many hours way with the whole bottle deal, but it will happen and a part of me will welcome the chance to have a solo night again with Quinn. This past night, Quinn was with Chris and Sheryl and Lily went to bed late- as is her pattern- but she slept really well throughout the night and well into the morning. It's 11 now and she's still sleeping:) Sweet girl. Lily is often plagued by hiccups, poor girl. She has the typical baby acne and coming off of some hot days last week, she had some heat rash. In her baby plumpness she has the many folds around her neck and face. Her second chin is quite pronounced:) She has marvelous baby toes that look like tiny fingers. When she is still somewhat alert and not yet in deep sleep, her toes and fingers show it. Her toes curl or her fingers splay... it's all very cute. Loving my children and being there for them both is a full time job, but one I would not trade. The other day I remarked that all people should have the profound privilege of holding a baby in their arms while they sleep. The total trust and dependence in that moment is overwhelming and lovely. While there may be stress and issues in life that need attending to, you can't take yourself away from that zen moment with a baby.

The newest movie craze in our household is "The Fantastic Mr. Fox". Luke brought it home because of his affection for Wes Anderson films and Quinn adores it. Last night we had the end of the year picnic at Quinn's preschool. It was a nice time and we had really pleasant visits with Susan and John, our former mentor couple, and fellow parents to kids at St. Kate's. I dropped off invites to Quinn's preschool buddies today for his 4th birthday party. How wild to think that he will soon be 4. This is his first party with pals and I hope he will be a gracious host to all. We picked up two new Little Miss and Mr. books at Barnes today because Quinn is all about them lately. He continues to use the phrase "last morning" to refer to anything past tense and he also quotes the mail man who "told him" this, that and the other thing that is contrary to what Luke and I might say. For example, if I said that he needs to take a bath, the mail man has probably indicated to Quinn that he should not. Hilarious and odd. Quinn has a couple days off school now and then the summer session begins and he gets to do the bilingual program. Luke and I need to learn Spanish so we can converse with him. We should get a CD...

We checked out a townhouse today on Selby in the Cathedral Hill neighborhood, just down the street from the St. Paul Cathedral. It's 3 levels and has central ac, a dishwasher and an attached garage. I need to remind myself of those amenities when I start to think about the space issues and layout of the new place. Moving is so stressful. On a reliving and happy note, I received from retro pay from school that makes our life a bit more financially sound, and i am grateful for that.

Lily remains a joy to hold. She tries to prop her head up quite often and kicks with her legs to climb her way up her caretaker. She sits up happily, propped against someone or something. She is making good progress with lengthier bouts of sleep. Speaking of, since he just went down I should go to bed and catch as much of this window as possible.

Loving my children and Luke so very, very much.

A Moment in time

My son is a poor listener. He is nearly 4 and this is totally normal and a good reminder that I am infallible and perhaps not all that interesting to listen to, BUT, it can be infuriating. He thinks he is funny and he does not do it to be mean, but I do think he has a sense of how we respond if he pushes our buttons. Lily just kicked off her sock for the second time in the last minute.

Ode to Edie

Had our 4 week post partum appt. with Edie today. How strange to think that this amazing woman who has helped our family develop and come to be won't be with us on a regular basis any longer. She was really appreciative of our thank you letter and hugged me when she left. She knows we intend to stop with two children, so it's not likely that we'll be seeing her any time soon. Still, she was a wonderful woman who was funny, light hearted, knowledgeable and a great fit for Luke and I. What a blessing she was to our whole family. Go midwives!

Dear Lily,

You're sleeping in the boppy right now and allowed me to take a marvy little nap AND shower all while we await your father's return with your brother from school. it was a smooth day in the Beck household as Quinn made it to school without a single breakdown and your father and I ran some necessary errands and returned home by 11:00 for the day. Dad and I got in some more Rescue Me episodes. We're on Season 4 right now and enjoying our Netflix wireless deal. If you grow up to love Denis Leary's humor or happen to have a really profane mouth, we'll know why. The mystery of how to properly cut an infant's finger nails remains and your poor little face shows scratches from my inability to get it right. I'm trying..

You remain impressive in your ability to cruise through diapers. We're going to try out diapers.com and see if we like the delivery service and if the discounts, coupons and "convenience" make it worth while. We've been spoiled by Quinn's pull up phase, where he will wear a diaper all day long without complaint. You are growing and growing, developing squeezable cheeks, arms and legs and I'll be excited to know your weight when we go to next week's appt. Tomorrow you will be three weeks old:)

Your Dad loves to imitate your sounds, give you kisses and hold you close. You had a stellar night of sleeping last night, giving me a 4 hour window! Your random alert sounds that signal that nothing is wrong continue. You took another bath last night with your brother in the tub. We set your tub in his, though he wishes you would just join him in the regular tub. You fall asleep during your baths and are incredibly relaxed by it all.

Alright, you're shifting about now, so I'll pick you up.

Loving you,
Mom

Dear Lily,

There is no greater joy than holding you or your brother in my arms. Even as my mind tells me to put you down and try to sleep, I ignore that impulse, kiss you again on the top of your head, put my cheek to your soft cheek and lean back against the pillows, holding you for a moment longer. Your face is so expressive and fun. Your cries can be shrill, but they are short lived. Your assortment of noises has your father making barn yard sounds in impersonation, though it is only with affection that he does so. You are proving to be so flexible and easy, making the adjustment for your father and I smooth. You travel with us to bring Quinn to school and have been shopping a half dozen times in your two short weeks of life:) Last night I held both you and your brother in my arms while reading the three Little Bears. For the past few nights, your brother has slept with us in the big bed while your father is in Quinn's bed. You don't make too much noise and Quinn has been able to sleep through our feedings. You are calmed by the nook, but we're trying not to overuse it because it fusses with your latch. You sleep soundly in your boppy, but we are learning that you like to make a sundry of small noises that do not mean that you are waking. You are also known for a louder, plee-like cry that does not indicate you are waking. Your small hands can be very active and at times you raise both arms above your head in a beautiful stretch. Your Dad is doing his duty and having you work on tummy time and neck strength. Nana was here yesterday for a short visit and shared that everyone was quite taken with you at the May birthday/Tink confirmation event. They think you are quite beautiful:) Your hair is thick and full, but likes to take on a sheen after just one day post bath. Most of this probably comes from the oil in our hands, as we are constantly holding or stroking your hair. Quinn is very attached to you and bathes you in his kisses. Sometimes that means kissing your head, your legs or your feet- he doesn't discriminate. He likes to hold you and tells you to calm down when you are sad or fussy. He is good about telling us to hold you if you are upset and has even offered you his nipple so that you could try and nurse from him. I am so proud of him for how wonderfully he has accepted you into the family;) Last night the family had breakfast for dinner and I sat in the living room nursing you watching Dad and son sit across from one another scarfing down eggs and pancakes and I was warmed by the normalcy of our life. You are such a lovely child and have made adding another member to our family to delightful. Loving you more each day and loving that feeling!

Dear Lily,

I'm not not writing about you because I don't have things to say. The thing is, with your brother, I was half lucid in my journaling scribbles and in your case, I am doing my best to take care of myself physically, which means sleeping more for both of our sakes. So, the ramblings of a woman who is sleep deprived are absent, though that doesn't mean that I don't take you in with wonder each moment of the day. You are lovely to behold and to hold. Your sweet full cheeks and expressive face fill me with gratitude and love. I am blessed to be your mother and thankful for your relaxed nature. Of course, your relaxed nature could be a result of your mother being infinitely calmer this time around. You are much smaller than we expected, but we enjoy the freedom to hold you without straining our arms or backs:) You can be wrapped up snuggly in a blanket and rest comfortably in the Boppy. Despite your misery with your first cold, you are still a very mellow baby. You are a good nurser, though at times you conk out after a quick feed, leading you to want to eat sooner rather than later. Still, you are an easy sleeper in the arms of those who love you and patient with your brother's kisses and holds on your sweet self. Your skin is peeling here and there, but in many places, you've shed that baby layer and all that remains is your soft, marvelous skin. You've enjoyed your two baths so far, despite a chilly rinse on the first one. I am more able to diaper and change you without anxiety because I've done it before. We've not settled into a permanent sleeping situation, but typically you and I sleep together and Quinn has been known to join us in whatever bed we end up in. You've not slept far from us on any occasion and this is due to our desire to hear you breathe and have you near. I sleep bette when I know I can look up at any moment and see you safe. Last night I awoke to one of my children sleeping right next to me with his/her arm resting on mine and for an instant I thought it was you, but rousing myself, realized the familiar face was your brother's. You two do have so many common features. That is excepting, of course, your gorgeous head of hair that I am constantly stroking. The hair is so long on the sides that I am always tucking it behind your ears. It's a whole new level of upkeep for me as a parent. Your brother and Dad are playing Star Wars Legos right now while you sleep in your father's arms. You've not been awake much today so I don't know how tonight will go. No matter:) You are a wonderful addition to the family and my heart is filled with joy and peace when I look at you. Thank you for being healthy and well, for being mellow and low-maintenance and I look forward to many adventures as you hit new milestones:)

Well, still no arrival of baby and I feel what most mothers likely feel which is a cross between wanting to NOT be pregnant any longer and not wanting necessarily to start the whole infant need process. Do I want to be without rest and uncomfortable because I have had the baby or because I haven't? Is there greater joy or relaxation in spending these final days with just one child and our happy trio or will there be a different, but lovely happiness to a new baby being here to see and love, even amidst new diapers, feedings and whatnot?

Yesterday was a lovely day. I was happy to be able to attend my shower at Asha's and it was a very sweet affair. Asha had everyone bring a dish to share and the bounty of leftovers came home with me, filling my freezer with goodness and love. It was delightful to see Nielsen and to see our three mothers together. Beth, Megan, Bobbi, and Sheryl rounded out gang and it was a pleasant affair. We decorated onesies, visited and had an overall mellow time. Megan crafted a really gorgeous quilt for the baby and had a sundry of other beautiful gifts. We received gifts we needed to supplement our baby girl readiness, along with heaps of good will and love. Afterwards I was able to spend quality time chatting with Asha and Jen and returned home for a lovely evening with Quinn. My son was all about some quality one on one time with Mom, so he and I went to the Noodle Store together (Noodles and Co.), then to Lund's for a few groceries and then to the Ice Cream store (Izzy's) for our dessert treat. He was incredibly well behaved throughout and seemed all to happy to have me to himself.

I have all of my thank you's taken care of for the shower and feel terrific about honoring everyone's love and also being on top of things before I cease to have full use of my brain. To be fair, I think my brain is a little bit scattered. Last night was a rough night of sleep, mixed with traces of anxiety. I should have probably taken one of the pills they sent home with me, but it feels odd to take something medicinal when I so rarely so anymore.

I am trying to imprint in my mind moments with the trio. Today Quinn and his Dad did some dish washing together. Quinn was wearing his green t-short which runs a little long. His pants were absent because we had just changed a full diaper. With Quinn on the stool, he is just a head shorter than his father. They were working together and Quinn's industry around his dishwashing was a delight to see, as well as Luke's focused attention to model and teach. Earlier today Quinn and I played with trains and legos and light sabers. Then, we all went to the park and I watched my two boys golf together. The golfing turned into chasing around the field after the ball, with Quinn laughing, giggling and loving life. He says things like, "I found the park" when we drive there.

Have I mentioned how adorable my son is when my son hits the downward dog pose after going poop in the toilet and getting help from Luke or I to get all cleaned up? Quinn plopped himself down in the baby chair/seat thing again. He also wanted to be held like a baby before his nap today. He started his nap in the crib, but eventually ended up napping next to me. Last night when he saw the beautiful quilt from Megan he wanted to lay it out for the baby. He very carefully spread it out on the big bed during story time last night. Sweet boy. He is vascillating between pride about the baby and the baby's new things and some anxiety. I suppose my son and I are much alike:)

I'm trying to be as planful as possible about recognizing people's desire to meet the little one once she arrives, but trying to do it graciously and on terms that I like. I know that my level of exhaustion pre-baby makes me more emotional and particular about things and the baby amnesia didn't block unpleasant memories from the first few days of being home and feeling overwhelmed by guests and whatnot. I want to invite people to take joy in her, just as we do, but I want to be together enough and my family intact enough, to do it well-- in our own way. Let's hope that the planning and foresight Luke and I have tried to have will serve us well. Certainly, we observed much from Levi and Bobbi's recent challenges with family introductions and Leigha.

I don't want to give birth on 4/20, even though that would mean that I might get to have Edie help deliver the little one. While her birthday would certainly be something extraordinary to celebrate, she might always be haunted by the other events that took place on that day. Of course, I don't have control over such things:)

Well, no baby yet, even though we spent last night at Regions in their labor and delivery "way station". Uggh. After timing the contractions at every 5 minutes for an hour, I was ready to go, yet patient. We waited for my Mom to arrive, continued to play with Quinn and readied ourselves. We took showers, made sure the house was in order and then departed. One of the most emotional parts of the evening was saying good-bye to Quinn. There I was in the living room, watching Quinn play with the baby swing and in my mind, I was saying farewell to that part of his life, the trio of just the three of us, knowing that his life was going to change... and it made saying goodbye to him very difficult. The only time I cried the whole night was after waving goodbye to my son from the car. We really are entering this whole new phase of life where Quinn isn't my baby or only child and its difficult to see that. I want to be able to give him everything he needs and that is bound to change in the very near future. Still, he has my heart and love and that is not going to change, no matter the obligations or duties I have before me. I will sacrifice what I must to be an exceptional mother and partner:)

Now, to the guts of the evening.. the miserable, long evening.

When I arrived I was ushered to the way station. Wait, back up. As we were driving along University, blocks away from the hospital, a car nearly hit us as it illegally merged into the two lanes of our traffic. It was wild and frightening and to Luke's credit, he remained super calm, not even honking. How hilarious then to see that same car pulled in front of the emergency room, lifting/pushing a very pregnant woman into the ER. How funny it would have been to see the two of our cars crash when we both had the same destination and the same reason for heading in that direction. Fortunately, we were all safe:)

Back to the night. We were officiously packed and not carrying the weight of 80 bags which seemed to be our plan last time. We were hooked up to the machines and watched the contractions come and go frequently and with great intensity. It made me glad to see that I wasn't hallucinating the contractions and validated my record keeping. I watched some Mad Men, ate some granola bars, lived the risky life and ate a regions box lunch with a lunch meat sandwich and waited for things to progress, which they did not. Around 2 or so, they gave me meds so I could sleep and then I dozed in and out of sleep until around 6 when I was finally so exhausted by the temperature and limbs falling asleep and the aches in my butt from the heinous thing they call a bed... and were sent home. The contractions had slowed considerably and after muliple cervix checks nothing had changed. So, after both Luke and I suffered enormous discomfort and shitty sleep, we went home. I appreciate my bed so very, very much. We'll be bringing our own pillows next time and lots of them because the hospital ones suck. Erggh. So, I've taken multiple naps today and relaxed and am looking forward to my shower tomorrow. I hope to spend some quality time with Jen and Asha after the shower and I guess just bide my time until she really chooses to arrive. Money is very tight, but I'm sure something will work out. At this point, I want to go to Tuesday's ultrasound and see the fetal weight and then go from there. I'd like to get the science class stuff finished and Ethan's eval mailed off. That way, I know that both of those stipends will be coming my way in the coming weeks. Thank goodness that Congress approved the extensions for unemployment. Otherwise, our financial life was going to get very interesting, very quickly. I am excited to see Quinn when he returns from Grandma's this afternoon and grateful for her help. I need to be nicer to her and not let me anxiety over her aging get in the way of how I treat her. I am all about grapefruits lately. Yesterday was, by the way, a rather delightful afternoon with the family. We stopped by Lund's after getting Quinn and picked up food for a picnic. Then, we headed over to Minnehaha Falls park and played and ate there. We met a nice man and his daughter, whose wife teaches in Apple Valley and they are also expecting their second. It was a very nice time. In fact, we've had plenty of joyful trio kinds of outings lately, many of them taking place at Izzy's or as Quinn calls it "The Ice Cream Store". We likes to get a Strawberry cone with a chocolate Izzy. Luke and i too have been trying to hang together and enjoy solo adult time. We went to Key's yesterday for breakfast after our midwife appt. and had a nice meal where I ran into an old AVHS student. Crazy!

Alright, must get to dinner. Loving my family always.

Another new day and no new baby:) Fortunately, I slept well last night and Luke and Quinn had another evening of Star Wars bed bonding, which meant I had the big bed to myself. Last night we headed to the park and played a little baseball and then enjoyed the swings and park features. It is interesting for me to watch coaching in action, as Luke directs or redirects Quinn's stance and whatnot for baseball. The Target anecdote about picking his bat is also pretty funny, but we'll hope Luke holds on to that memory as its not my own to share. Quinn's preschool conference was yesterday and it looks like we need to focus on sorting and groups-- and perhaps encouraging Quinn to engage in more solo, direct play. It's pretty amazing to me how quickly a parent's mind goes to defending or justifying a child's development or intellect and I have to catch myself before I go off the deep end on either end. For example, when she says she's concerned that Quinn needs to be reminded of an activities purpose or exercise, do I take that as a processing or memory issue? A focus issue? Do I seek out additional resources for him? Or, do I consider on the other hand that his learning style may not be as suited to Montessori as some kids? Ah, the balance. I want Quinn to do well in life and have achievement and happiness. His teacher says he is a very happy child, very respective and takes direction well. He has a marvy little group of friends--- who sometimes like to band together and run around the room until stopped... How much should he be doing as a three year old and how much should we be doing at home? We're trying to ratchet down tv and game time and encourage outdoor activities and legos. He does great pretend play and can play independently well. At what point to I consider the skills he is working on and those that are on hold? At what point do I hold Luke and I more responsible for this or that skill? Ah, the mind game that is accountable parenting! I don't want to fail my children or for them to fail in life, though I know that both ideas are sort of gray areas.

Anywho, I was deeply frustrated with the nurse line last night because I just want to know when everything is going to happen and then plan from there, but my daughter to be is not on a schedule that I am privy to. SO, we'll head to our prenatal appt. this morning and take the non-stress test and then see from there. I am loath to go back to work now that I've left because it makes more sense for Windy to just gain her own personal momentum instead of me jumping back in and trying to create continuity again. Additionally, there's the Public Speaking licensure issue and I'd rather just be done with that and not stir any professional fires but trying to teach something I need a variance for. It would be nice to attend the shower on Saturday too, minus a child, but gracious sakes, will the contractions just remain?? The nurse was doing her best, I am sure, to be judicious and told me I could come in if I wanted to, but the absence of terrible back pain and the inconsistent timing of the contractions meant this was probably practice. Annoying, aggravating practice, I wanted to say, but practice. Plus, my mind is really centered on my current birth plan of keep Quinn and Luke as comfortable as possible. Imagining heading to the hospital in the middle of the night and having to make arrangements for Quinn's care and an alternative morning routine were upsetting to me. Alright, must get going so we can get Quinn off to school and Luke and I to the doctor.